Written by Adam Mast
A DEADLY ADOPTION (Not Rated)
“A Deadly Adoption”…Oh, where to begin. Firstly, it should be noted that this film wasn’t released theatrically. No, this bad boy was made specifically for the Lifetime cable network channel. It was put together in secret a few months ago, and I’d be really shocked if it took more than a weekend to shoot. What sets “A Deadly Adoption” apart from other Lifetime features is that this one stars comical heavyweights Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig. And they play this shit straight!
In “A Deadly Adoption,” Ferrell and Wiig play Robert and Sarah Benson, a happy couple who seemingly have it all: a nice house, a great career, an adorable baby daughter, and a second child on the way. While having a barbecue by lakeside at their home, a terrible mishap insures that Sarah will never be able to have children again.
Cut to five years later. Robert and Sarah continue to struggle with the “incident” that changed their lives, but they have, more or less, moved on. Desperate to have another child, the couple decides to adopt. Enter Bridget (Jessica Lowndes), a pregnant woman looking to give up her baby. At a surface level, Bridget seems sweet enough. She’s simply an individual who has made some bad mistakes and is looking to move on with her life.
Or is she?
Quicker than you can say “hidden agenda,” Bridget begins making moves on Robert after the Bensons foolishly invite her to stay in their home until she can get back on her feet. And Bridget’s odd behavior may go deeper than one might expect.
Actually, that’s not true. Most of the plot points revolving around Bridget’s “hidden agenda” are fairly predictable. In fact, my wife had a great time leaning over to me every few minutes or so and telling me precisely what was going to happen next, and I have to tell you, her right-on-the-money predictions were more entertaining to listen to than anything in the movie itself.
“A Deadly Adoption” is everything you’d expect from a Lifetime channel thriller. And less. So shame on me for thinking that just because Ferrell and Wiig were headlining this thing, it would be anything more. On the flip side, “A Deadly Adoption” is far from being Worst Film of the Year material because it falls firmly in the “this-is-so-bad-it’s-almost-kind-of-amusing” category. Furthermore, I applaud and admire Ferrell and Wiig for resisting the urge to overplay the action (save for a creepy-hilarious dance number at the end). Instead, they play this stuff straight up, and that actually does make the proceedings even funnier than they might have been otherwise.
While “A Deadly Adoption” isn’t a remake, this purported “true story” feels like something we’ve seen a thousand times before. “Fatal Attraction,” “The Hand That Rocks the Cradle,” “Single White Female,” and so on. Take your pick. This is clearly all by design though. That’s the joke, as it were. Having said that, had “A Deadly Adoption” aired on April Fools’ Day, I think the overall joke would have been funnier. As it stands, this strange experimental imitation piece is easier to sit through than something like Gus Van Sant’s shot-for-shot “Psycho” remake, but I still have no interest in watching it again.
“A Deadly Adoption” is currently in rotation on the Lifetime channel. Watch it if you dare.
