Why I hate progressive liberals
The rise of the internet; the advent of social media; virtually instantaneous information available on a global scale; potentially everyone has a voice. It would seem that the entire human population now has the potential to become electronic graffiti “artists.” With a little help, and maybe a lot of help, the mainstream and alternative medias have acted like a strong energy drink by providing a literal vomit of information 24 hours a day, seven days a week, analogous to a big-box store full of paint cans for graffiti. One result has been the proliferation of labels for everyone and everything, and new ones appear on a regular basis. Some of the “old standard” labels are “conservative” (now “conservetard”) and “liberal” (now “libtard”). Differences in outlook and belief between these groups seems to have widened, with more electronic vitriol constantly added to fan the differences.
Reading comments attached to various articles on the internet indicates to me that many commenters have a significant problem with the English language, spelling, and grammar (isn’t that the nature of much graffiti?). However, they manage to present their ideas with vigor. It also seems that many people within each of these two groups are confused as to which group may be responsible for whatever “thing” they don’t approve of. So in the spirit of satire, I thought I’d present some of the more significant laws, regulations, and acts that have been proposed and have found their way into and perhaps divided the lives of all Americans within the past 100 years. Onward to the devil’s advocate list! Here’s why I hate progressive liberals:
—They passed the Woman’s Suffrage 19th amendment in 1920, so now women can vote along with men, and so they don’t know their place in society any longer.
—They passed the Social Security Act in 1935, so now I have to go to my bank to cash my Social Security check every month.
—They required fluoridation of drinking water (beginning in the 1940s), and now dentists are struggling to make a living and communists everywhere are celebrating victory.
—They forced Integration of Public Schools in 1954, so now my white children have to be in classes with various groups of minorities.
—They passed the Federal Clean Air Act (1955) and the Clean Water Act (1972), so now I can’t burn my trash, and I have to take care of my septic tank; heck, I can’t even dump my used pickup truck oil in the gutter any more.
—They passed the Civil Rights Act in 1964, and made lots of good honest, god-fearing Christian white folks angry.
—They passed the Social Security Medicare Act in 1965, so now all kinds of people live longer and have health care, and the lines at the supermarket and movie theater are too long and annoying.
—They outlawed DDT (1972 Stockholm Convention), so now I have pelicans and lots of other birds crapping on my crew cab dually truck when I’m down at the beach drinking beer.
—They outlawed leaded gasoline (Clean Air Act, 1972) so I can’t drive my high-performance classic car, and it’s clear enough outside occasionally that I have to look at those ugly high-rise buildings in the downtown area. My kids also seem to have more energy, and don’t have to visit the doctor so much.
—They outlawed chlorofluorocarbons including Freon (Montreal Protocol late 1980s), so now it’s harder for me to get a nice tan, and it’s more expensive to fix my leaky truck AC.
—They put a health warning on packages of cigarettes (World Health Organization 2003), so I’m annoyed every time I want to smoke one.
—They are trying to tell me that burning coal and oil is messing up the weather and climate, so I’ll probably have to pay more money to buy gasoline for my 4×4 dually crew cab, raised-high-off-the-ground pickup truck.
—They are trying to convince everyone to conserve water, so it’s harder to flush all my drugs down the toilet when the cops show up at my trailer.
—They are trying to tell me that my diet is unhealthy because they want me to lose my manly belly and make me have to see my embarrassingly little organ again when I have to urinate.
—They are trying to make me vaccinate all of my kids, so even though I’m not about to send any of them to a secular public school, they are all going to become autistic.
—They shoved the Affordable Care Act down our throats (2010), so now all those useless minorities are going to use up our healthcare budget.
—President Obama’s wife has altered school lunch programs, and now my kids can’t get the good stuff they like to eat.
—They continue to provide government grants to support scientists and their weird research, so they can try and destroy our country’s traditional Christian beliefs in God and the Bible.
—They have allowed gays and transgenders to marry one another and use any public restroom, so now my traditional marriage won’t work and I’m afraid to use public facilities.
—They elected a black man as President of the United States (2008), and forced all the racist, bigoted, anti-intellectuals to come out of their closets and reclaim their rightful place in American society.
Editor’s note: This piece is satire.
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Democrats started the KKK and wrote the Jim Crow Laws. Republicans passed the law allowing women to vote. Republicans passed the Clean Air Act. Yes, they are progressives….check out all the other laws passed as well.
Obamacare has made premiums and deductibles skyrocket. Big pharma was not tamed under Obama. Trump has promised to reduce drugcosts. He usually keeps his promises….give him time.
Steve: You confuse the term progressive and liberal by labeling people demos and repubs.
Here is the issue in America today.
The top 20% of wealth holders want to make you a serf.
That top 20% are both republicans and democrats.
You gotta see the big picture here.
It’s all about the money:
Who is an SEC preferred investor?
Who gets the best education by paying for their kids admissions to higher learning institutes?
And who is trying to become the next fuhrer.
American democracy cannot afford neoliberalism and Trump needs to return to his mafia mentality somewhere else; but not as the leader of our representative democracy.
Reply to comment. Thanks for taking the time to reply to my satire. I reread it but could not find any mention of the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare), any discussion of big pharma, and no mention of President Trump. Your comments on these subjects may or may not be factual, but either way they have no bearing on my satire.
I also checked to see if I mentioned anything about political parties, either Republican or Democrat, and again there is no mention of either. I used the labels liberal and conservative but made no inference that would indicate that republicans are all conservative or democrats are all liberal, because that would be an inaccurate assumption. Progressive/liberal laws and acts have, in fact, been passed by both parties at different times and under different situations. What you managed to do is create a false equivalency.
In doing so, you almost perfectly illustrated my point that… “It also seems that many people within each of these two groups are confused, as to which group may be responsible for whatever “thing” they don’t approve of.”
Finally, yes, the democrats of the southern states (dixiecrats) were certainly involved in the third resurrection of the KKK, but you are well over a half- century behind in your political awareness, because the southern dixiecrats have metamorphosed into the republican party, and this change occurred around the middle of the 20th century.