Strap on your seat belts extra tight, everybody. This nation is stuck on a rollercoaster of spin with a minimum of two years before we can get off.
Strap on your seat belts extra tight, everybody. This nation is stuck on a rollercoaster of spin with a minimum of two years before we can get off.

America is stuck on a rollercoaster of spin

The problem is more obvious than half a leech on the sneeze guard of a salad bar: We’re paying much too much attention. Our national obsession with new news concerning the man blundering about the Oval Office has obscured any overview at all. He has the unique ability to blot out the big picture. Especially when standing sideways.

Every time we think we’ve hit rock bottom, another subbasement gets dug, hidden in a cloud of smoke and mirrors. Donald Trump hasn’t just lowered the bar; he’s buried it so deeply that you couldn’t come close with a hydraulic excavator equipped with space-age sonar.

We still pour over his tweets like anthropologists dusting off the bones of a calcified civilization, but the outrage is wearing off. After decades of press pimping, 17 months of campaigning, and two years into his reign of error, the world is becoming numb to the president’s dumpy Trumpy trampy shenanigans.

It becomes routine. Every day, the White House is discovered to be involved in some dastardly situation. Either there’s proof they did something they swore up and down they didn’t do or they get caught in an astonishing lie. Or somebody says something out loud that would have sunk a previous administration so deep in a swamp of disgust that they’d be found floating upside down like tropical fish after a week of not being fed.

It’s a dance, and all the players know their part. The Smoky Hokey Pokey. We got ourselves a bad case of the deja voodoos.

First comes the shocking revelation. The hasty denials soon follow.

The New York Times trots out evidence that not only did this happen but even more egregious stuff went down as well.

The official White House response, courtesy of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is that it never happened, and even if it did, Barack Obama did way worse.

Democrats argue amongst themselves over whether the latest disclosure is an impeachable offense, coming to no conclusion.

Mitch McConnell makes turtle noises.

Donald Trump says he doesn’t know the guy, can’t remember what happened, everyone besides him is lying, and the revelation bolsters his claim that there was “no collusion.”

Some Republicans are outraged, then they aren’t, then they support the president.

The Washington Post needs three pages to print a graph that documents how this sort of thing happened 18 gazillion times before.

Fox News hosts call for more hearings on Benghazi.

Some pundit on MSNBC becomes so overwrought that a blood vessel in his head bursts on air.

Donald Trump’s base laughs and laughs.

Rudy Giuliani says he doesn’t believe it happened, and if it did, Hillary Clinton would have done way worse. And she’s a woman.

Bernie Sanders supporters say this is further proof that Bernie would have won.

The National Enquirer prints a cover photo with Michelle Obama holding a bloody knife in front of what looks to be a pizza parlor.

Mike Pence says he doesn’t know anything.

Snow falls. Or it doesn’t.

And then, the very next day, it starts up all over again. This nation is stuck on a rollercoaster of spin with a minimum of two years before we can get off.

Strap on your seat belts extra tight, everybody. It’s going to be a bumpy rest of a first term. Pass the Dramamine, please.

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As the sacred cows set themselves up for slaughter each night at six, America cries out for a man with the aim, strength and style to swat the partisan political piñatas upside their heads. Will Durst is that man. Sweeping both sides of the aisle with a quiver full of barbs sharpened by a keen wit and dipped into the same ink as the day's headlines, Durst transcends political ties, performing at events featuring Vice President Al Gore and former President George H.W. Bush, also speaking at the Governors Conference and the Mayors Convention cementing his claim as the nation's ultimate equal opportunity offender. Outraged and outrageous, Durst may mock and scoff and taunt, but he does it with taste. A Midwestern baby boomer with a media-induced identity crisis, Durst has been called "a modern day Will Rogers" by The L.A. Times while the S. F. Chronicle hails him as "heir apparent to Mort Sahl and Dick Gregory." The Chicago Tribune argues he's a "hysterical hybrid of Hunter Thompson and Charles Osgood," although The Washington Post portrays him as "the dark Prince of doubt." All agree Durst is America's premier political comic. As American as a bottomless cup of coffee, this former Milwaukeean is cherished by critics and audiences alike for the common sense he brings to his surgical skewering of the hype and hypocrisies engulfing us on a daily basis. Busier than a blind squirrel neck deep in an almond sorting warehouse, Durst writes a weekly column, was a contributing editor to both National Lampoon and George magazines and continues to pen frequent contributions to various periodicals such as The New York Times and his hometown San Francisco Chronicle. This five-time Emmy nominee and host/co-producer of the ongoing award winning PBS series "Livelyhood" is also a regular commentator on NPR and CNN, and has appeared on every comedy show featuring a brick wall including Letterman, Comedy Central, HBO and Showtime, receiving 7 consecutive nominations for the American Comedy Awards Stand Up of the Year. Hobbies include the never-ending search for the perfect cheeseburger, while his heroes remain the same from when he was twelve: Thomas Jefferson and Bugs Bunny. Look for Will's new book "The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing" at bookstores and Amazon.com. Will Durst's performances and columns are made possible by the First Amendment.

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