From cartoonist Steve Bowers on “Hillary and Little Green Men,” traveling at the speed of light, and the stupidity of liberals
I read recently that Hillary is planning to invest many more of our tax dollars in the search for extra-terrestrial intelligent life. I’m not sure how she could recognize intelligence anywhere. I’m certain little green men wouldn’t recognize anything intelligent about her.
Let’s get this thing straight about this crap of looking for life on other planets. There ain’t any. It’s rare enough on Earth. Looking for it is stupid. I’m thankful Trump has put the “S” word back in the lexicon. If you are stupid, the rest of us can now call you on it. Particularly if you’re a politician.
And if little green persons do exist somewhere, it doesn’t matter. Here’s why: The closest star to us is four light years away. It has no planets. The next closest is twenty some light years away. No planets. The next closest star is a couple hundred light years away. Planets are doubtful there.
If you’re a liberal and don’t know what a light year is, let me explain. Light travels at the speed of 186,000 miles per second. If you are a liberal, you may have never thought about it before (or anything else), but this is why the bathroom gets light so quickly when you turn on the switch inside the bathroom door when you get up to go pee-pee at night. For you liberals who wet the bed and don’t get up to go to the bathroom, I’ll try to think of another example later.
A light year is a measure of distance, not time. I know this is getting trippy for you liberals, but try to stay with me. Ten light years is the distance you would travel if you could travel at 186,000 miles per second for ten years. You liberals don’t worry just now about leap years, but I’m proud of you for thinking of it. You are thinking about silly nonessential things and how to use such things to obstruct reality, which means you will someday qualify to be a government bureaucrat. Ten light years is a very big distance. Much further than to Grandma’s house when you liberals were kids.
For liberals, I know this will be hard. Einstein was a very smart guy, which means his ideas were not about pushing people around and mass murder and genocide, so you liberals have probably never studied about him. He theorized (for liberals, a “theory” is an idea which may predict how people or rocks or microbes or crazy politicians may act under certain circumstances, and if a theory fails to properly predict such actions or is unprovable, it is discarded by normal people) that if you could travel at the speed of light, you would not age while doing so. Assuming Einstein was right about such stuff, you could “theoretically” (you liberals are learning a new word, yes?) go to some distant star and camp out overnight and return the next morning (after changing you underwear or diaper, if you’re a liberal) and zip back home to Earth, all while not aging a day while, of course, your great grandchildren have already climbed into their deathbeds because while a hundred light years means nothing to you as the traveler, it means a hundred years to those not in your space ship.
While this may be an interesting idea, it has some major problems.
For one, no one can travel at light speed, nor is it likely anyone ever will. I think some outer space probe finally reached Jupiter or Uranus recently after being launched about ten years ago. And the probe was going very fast, but nothing like 186,000 miles per second. The bottom line here is that you can’t get there from here. We are imprisoned on Earth by space.
Some people say that aliens walk among us and offer as proof, to wit, “it’s possible.” While this is irrefragable evidence for a liberal, it doesn’t convince a real person possessed of some wee bit of intelligence. If little green men walk among us why don’t they reveal themselves? If they are smart enough to invent a means of traveling at light speed or faster, what do they have to fear from us? If they’ve come to help us, they haven’t yet found the right people to talk to. If they’ve come to harm us like Matt “the Martian” Dillon in that old Twilight Zone episode, what are they waiting for? We’re losing weight with these silly fat-free diets, waiting to get to market.
All of this is to point out how stupid the search for extraterrestrial life is. Just the sort of do-gooder Earth-saving utterly worthless activity to attract a liberal like Hillary. But maybe she is simply trying to curry votes from the four or five dolts the Fed has hired to watch for radio signals from those far galaxies to which no Earthling will ever travel. (By the way, radio waves travel much more slowly than light.) It isn’t as stupid as claiming that the seas are rising and that you personally are the solution and intend to keep Malibu right where it is. But it is still stupid.
Now I’m gonna watch “Forbidden Planet” again in the hopes that Leslie Neilsen will finally crack a joke. Stupid, I know, but not as stupid as the aforesaid.
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Finally some intelligence busting upon the planes of Utah. I do hope there is a follow up.
If I may, another suggested topic: The dangers of not controlling the amount of methane gas we produce by our unwillingness to halt our enjoyment or embarrassment of passing gas.
(see cowboy scene in Mel Brooks’s movie Blazing Saddles for reference).
According to Al Gore’s Environmental Studies firm (donations and fed grants are welcomed), mankind’s failure to control man made CO2 and CH4 emission contents into the atmosphere, we can be assured that the city of Saint Louis will one day be under 100 feet of sea water at high tide. (controlling the moon’s affect on the tides is in another study).
Thank you, Jarmi. It doesn’t require much intelligence to pierce the “stupidity” veil of the liberal herd. I figured out that thing about being imprisoned in the cosmos by space and distance by just thinking lazily about light years one day. I’m no science guy like Braniac Billy Nye claims to be. In fact, I’m intellectually impaired. I’m a lawyer. It may be congenital. I only know that I first noticed some cognitive impairment on the evening of my first day of law school.
Liberals everywhere will certainly thank you for enlightening them on the speed of light, and other important issues. You mention that radio waves travel more slowly than light. Physicists will be eternally grateful after you fill them in on this hitherto unknown “fact.” Those people are so stupid that they think all electromagnetic waves propagate through a vacuum at the same velocity.
It must be very comfortable to be so smugly self-assured of being the only intelligent life in the universe. Still, it always makes a person wonder about the intelligence of someone who seemingly has nothing worthwhile to say, but still feels the need to attempt to marginalize the entire class of people who might disagree with some or perhaps all of their political leanings by calling them “stupid.” It’s difficult to imagine that there aren’t at least a few smart liberals. Arguably, there might even be one or two who are smarter than you. Some could be doctors, lawyers, CEOs, perhaps even rocket scientists. Everyone, even conservatives, know how smart rocket scientists are! I’m just sayin’.
Be sure to carry a snowball in your pocket at all times to prove that global warming is merely a liberal conspiracy. Too, you’ll want to practice the phrase, “I’m not a scientist, but…” to serve as a lead-in to your opinions on scientific issues. All the conservative members of Congress use it. It will work for you too, lending credibility whenever you arrogantly opine on science about which you are thoroughly ignorant.
TP welcomes your conservative anger and your vote this November, Steve. Indeed, they will need that vote very badly! You do vote, don’t you?