In a startling discovery, NASA scientists analyzing soil data from the 2012 Gravity Recovery and Interior Laboratory (GRAIL) mission have confirmed that there is cat hair on the moon.
“Of course,” sighed Dr. Steven Wendell, head scientist in charge of the GRAIL mission, shaking his head wearily.
According to Wendell, black cat hairs have been found in the highest concentration in areas with the lightest colored soil, while darker soils have yielded primarily white fur.
“I told you,” screamed Margaret Wendell, wife of Dr. Steven Wendell. “It was just a matter of time. You insisted on bringing a cat home from the shelter — which is the last thing I need for my asthma — and I told you that there would be cat hair literally everywhere! And you laughed! Who’s laughing now, Dr. Doofus?”
DNA analysis has traced hair specimens to two housecats owned by Dr. Wendell named Kepler and Poopers.
“Everyone else wears a laboratory jacket,” continued Margaret Wendell in an impassioned tirade, “but not you. Noooo, you’re special! God, my mother was right. I married an idiot.”
NASA is currently working with 3M to develop a lint roller that will remain adhesive in the Moon’s frigid temperatures. It will also need to be really big.
“We’re confident that we can design a lint roller capable of covering the roughly 14.6 million square mile surface of the Moon,” a 3M spokesperson said. “That’s about the sum square mileage of trouser and jacket surface area that our Scotch-Brite lint rollers clean in the United States alone on a weekly basis.”
Funding has been halted for the project indefinitely until dander is completely removed from both GRAIL A and GRAIL B spacecraft.
“All I did was pet them before I went to work,” said Wendell. “I should have gotten a gecko.”
At press time, Poopers was spotted sitting on his haunches with one leg extended vertically, apparently cleaning his scrotum.
