Travel fit and take your manners
I love to read travel lists. “Ten things you need to pack for your next trip” — really? “Ten best destination spots” — Hmm. “Ten things your flight attendant won’t tell you” — yeah, because they will get fired. I sometimes wonder who compiled those lists and what their definition of a great vacation is. However, apparently our president believes that a missile-testing beach in North Korea between two enemy nations would be a great place for condos, so I guess I can compile my own list without going to far off the grid, just saying.
Five things that drive flight crews crazy (I’m not making this stuff up)
Deciding that you can’t travel by air just prior to takeoff
This really happened on a flight from Sun Valley to Salt Lake City. All passengers were accounted for, bags were loaded, and the main cabin door was closed when a young woman decided that she simply could not endure the hour-long flight. No amount of rational conversation by me, the captain, or the first officer could persuade her. She was also traveling with a dog and several bags. Therefore, the flight was delayed by at least a half hour while her bags were located, paperwork was revised, and she and the dog were deplaned. We didn’t crash, and I’m sure we made the trip faster than she did. My grandmother was afraid of planes and flatly refused to travel by air. However, that was in the early 1900s. I can somewhat understand it. Planes hadn’t been around all that long and looked archaic and scary. I still don’t understand celestial navigation and find it hard to believe that pilots ever knew where they were, especially over the ocean, but things have changed. We now have GPS and VOR’s. I can fly our small plane using my iPad. Wahoo! No need to be afraid unless it’s me who is actually flying the plane.
Falling asleep on a stranger’s shoulder
Seriously, this is not the way to meet people. This happened to a friend of mine. It was traumatic, and she probably needed years of counseling afterward. Many people would complain. The problem is that the flight attendants can’t move anyone unless there are empty seats available.
Reclining your seat into the passenger’s lap behind you
I know it’s hard to be comfortable on long flights, and seats are made to recline for that purpose, but reclining to the point of your comfort while compromising the comfort of others is rude. Some rather ugly fights have started over similar incidents, and flight crew, other passengers, and airlines hate it when flights are diverted because of bonehead passengers. They may have duct tape on board, so you could end up immobile. I’m a fan of duct tape. It is a great invention and can be used to fix all kind of things on a plane, including passengers.
Taking off your shoes and resting your feet over the seat in front of you
It’s okay to take off your shoes and is even recommended on long flights, but keep your feet to yourself. A clean pair of socks stowed in your personal item can go a long way in protecting your feet from all the ickiness on planes and protecting other passengers from your feet.
Falling asleep with your leg in the aisle
This might be my biggest pet peeve. Beverage carts barely fit down the aisles of a plane. If your leg is in the way, the flight attendant may run over it — not on purpose, of course. Beverage carts are heavy and can become lethal weapons. Your leg can become collateral damage. Best-case scenario, the flight attendant has to awaken you. Worst case, you lose a limb.
This list is only the tip of the iceberg. Once I got started, I realized that I have a lot of unreleased angst. Therefore, I’m going to release said angst in future columns. I hope this sets the tone for more to come. In the meantime, bon voyage, or whatever.
