Why Halloween is so monstrously like Election Day
Be careful out there, folks, because we’re in the middle of that scary time of year when spooky, hollow-eyed, costumed creatures come begging for treats and if refused threaten dastardly tricks, meaning one of two things: Either it’s Halloween or the following Tuesday is Election Day.
This year, both diabolically sinister events occur within a week of each other. It’s an extraordinary conjunction of the fiendish, spine-chilling, and horrifying, two separate days when ghouls rule, eerie echoing noises are rampant, and the whole nation flinches at the slightest change in barometric pressure. Scary. Scary.
The press, with its love of optics, highlights the battle between the orange and black and the red, white, and blue as being exceptionally fierce. Right now, we’re experiencing that rare rainbow of fright with soothing autumnal shades blessedly awaiting us Nov. 7.
Color-coding the events may be the best way to keep from getting confused and dropping absentee ballots in plastic pumpkins or toilet-papering polling places. It also keeps us from getting robocalls that encourage buying bigger Butterfingers, and Costco isn’t offering endorsements with every purchase in the extra large country-picnic economy size. Although we do seem to be stumbling near the latter. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
The weird thing is that there are so many similarities between the late October/early November activities. The two have much more in common than simply sharing the same linear space of a calendar page. You always hear people describe their experiences in politics and Halloween as being “scary but fun.” The smell of desperation and giddy excitement of pre-pubescent kids as the day approaches are a couple more. And Mitch McConnell is an honorary mascot to both festivities.
In order to ensure your physical security and mental safety over the next week or so, we here at Durstco, purely as a public service, have compiled a list of other reasons why Halloween is so monstrously like Election Day:
—People really enjoy going around pretending to be somebody or something they aren’t. Even those who aren’t aware they’re wearing costumes.
—Greed is not only encouraged but richly rewarded.
—Ronald Reagan and Mickey Mouse are perennial favorites.
—Zombies, vampires, and other miscellaneous bloodsuckers wander the streets everywhere you look.
—Many people will stay in their homes with the lights off to avoid the whole thing.
—Based on the results of the evening, both children and adults will be highly susceptible to future nightmares.
—Shocking surprises lurk around every corner.
—The really hard work goes on in the darkest regions, where secrecy reigns.
—The more malevolent, wicked, diabolical, and villainous, the better.
—There’s always one weird house that nobody wants to go near.
—You run the risk of overdosing on candy or regret.
—The scariest faces are often found under the masks.
—Warnings not to get involved by mental health authorities are continually made, yet go unheeded.
—Boos and booze are regular attendants.
—MSNBC, FOX News, and Turner Classic Movies all delight in running horror marathons.
—The shared goal is obtaining the mostest, bestest goodies, not caring a whit what happens to your fellow nightcrawlers.
—And the No. 1 reason why Election Day is like Halloween is because this year, a major focus of both events will be a plump vegetable with orange skin.
The viewpoints expressed above are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of The Independent.
How to submit an article, guest opinion piece, or letter to the editor to The Independent
Do you have something to say? Want your voice to be heard by thousands of readers? Send The Independent your letter to the editor or guest opinion piece. All submissions will be considered for publication by our editorial staff. If your letter or editorial is accepted, it will run on suindependent.com, and we’ll promote it through all of our social media channels. We may even decide to include it in our monthly print edition. Just follow our simple submission guidelines and make your voice heard:
—Submissions should be between 300 and 1,500 words.
—Submissions must be sent to editor@infowest.com as a .doc, .docx, .txt, or .rtf file.
—The subject line of the email containing your submission should read “Letter to the editor.”
—Attach your name to both the email and the document file (we don’t run anonymous letters).
—If you have a photo or image you’d like us to use and it’s in .jpg format, at least 1200 X 754 pixels large, and your intellectual property (you own the copyright), feel free to attach it as well, though we reserve the right to choose a different image.
—If you are on Twitter and would like a shout-out when your piece or letter is published, include that in your correspondence and we’ll give you a mention at the time of publication.
Articles related to “Why Halloween is so monstrously like Election Day”
SparkleBottom glitter enemas make a splash just in time for Halloween
Halloween is pointless; we’re just going through the motions anymore
Movie Review: “Halloween” isn’t bad, but it’s definitely disappointing
