CARTOON: “Heidi, Heidi, ew!”

From Clay Jones on his political cartoon “Heidi, Heidi, ew!” Trump’s dirt on Heidi Cruz, and men who are too cowardly to read “real porn”

I know this cartoon is mean and that it’s not fair, but I don’t claim to be fair. You already know I don’t draw nice cartoons. Basically, Ted Cruz is gross. He’s icky. He’s creepy. A little bit slimy. He’s definitely not someone you want touching you. It’d be like walking into a spiderweb where you do that dance with an invisible partner.

Before the Utah primary, an anti-Trump super PAC aired an ad that ran only in that state. The ad featured a really smokin’ hot photo of an almost naked pic of Melania Trump (Trump’s third wife) from a magazine photo shoot (in one of those magazines for men who are too cowardly to read real porn). The super PAC’s idea was that it would make Mormons really not like Donald Trump, because Mormons are against porn and naked stuff, I guess.

Super PACs are not supposed to coordinate with campaigns. This super PAC isn’t even a pro-Cruz super PAC. They apparently just want to bring down Trump. Well, screw facts. Donald Trump tweeted out a threat to Cruz. He blamed him for the ad and said that “Lyin’ Ted” better be careful or he’ll spill the dirt on Ted’s wife, Heidi.

First off, Ted didn’t have anything to do with that ad. He’s a disgusting, vile, Creepy McCreeperson, but there isn’t any evidence he had anything to do with the naked Melania ad. Second, Trump is not afraid to insult women. He’s proven that. He’ll just make stuff up if he has to.

Third, what would he have on Heidi, other than she’s married to Ted and has the ridiculous Snow White name of “Heidi?” I guess Trump could point out the fact that she once suffered from depression, but who hasn’t? That would probably just endear her to people. Could a human being actually marry Ted? You would think that kind of woman would have to be created in a lab in Romania.

Maybe Trump could point out that she works as a managing director for Goldman Sachs, which also gave out a sweetheart loan to Ted for his Senatorial campaign, and that he misreported it on campaign finance forms because he lies a lot. He also claimed they liquidated all their assets for the campaign, which of course was another lie. Again, that’s Ted stuff. None of it really hits Heidi.

I suspect Trump is just making stuff up. He’ll proclaim, “We’ll reveal all the dirt on Heidi,” and then turn to his staff and ask, “Do we have anything on Heidi?”

There is one thing that is not a lie. When it comes to first ladies and dignity, we’re really going to miss Michelle Obama.

claytoonz.com/2016/03/24/heidi-heidi-ew