Written by Heather HymasOhhhhh Valentine’s Day, my heart be still… The smell of the flowers, the taste of the chocolates, the glorious romance, the charming sentimentality. The horror of it all!
I am here to say that Valentine’s day may be one of the most grueling and difficult holidays for anyone to have to endure, whether in a relationship or not. But, does it have to be?
Now, if you are in a relationship and have something wonderful planned and can’t wait to share this special day with your significant other, I am happy for you. I hope it all goes perfectly and you create an amazing memory that will bring you both joy for years to come–really, I do!
If you are THE REST OF US, the ones who do not have a date for this incredibly cruel holiday, lets chat… I want to talk about self-love (and for the record, those of you in a relationship, this goes for you too!).
Some of you may blow this holiday off as just another commercial money trap, or you have gotten so cynical that you have just become angry and developed either apathy or a complete detest for anything with hearts, flowers, fluffiness, or balloons attached to it. If you are like me, a true romantic at heart, you love every bit of it and are wallowing in sadness that you have no one to share it with this year. In all three of those scenarios, I say to you, “This is unacceptable!” This year let’s do something different.
You could choose to ignore the day and let it pass you by without acting like you care and do some mundane activity that will keep you out of the glow of glitter, the champagne of smiles, and the festivity of amore. But wait, I have a better idea. Why don’t we all turn this into a day where we really recognize and show appreciation for the most amazing and important person in your life–YOU.
How often do you take the time to tell yourself how great you are? How often do you give yourself a pat on the back for your struggles and accomplishments? How often do you really truly recognize and acknowledge all of the great things about you? If you are like me, the answer is, sadly, not very often–or never. I am more than happy to congratulate, celebrate, acknowledge, encourage, and support all the other people I love in my life, so why don’t I do the same for me? Why am I sitting around waiting for someone else to do this for me when I am completely capable of doing it for myself?
A very wise person once told me, “Be the partner you wish to have.” So, think about all the qualities that you admire in others, and then cultivate, encourage, and create those qualities within yourself. Be the kind of person you wish to be with. I admit, it is easier said than done, and I understand because I spent many years looking to someone else to fill those gaps. I expected them to make me feel beautiful and special and needed. But, in reality, no one can do that for you. No one could ever do it for me. We have to fill those gaps within ourselves, but once you begin to recognize and realize what it is you like about yourself and revere in others; it becomes easy.
Now, don’t get me wrong here. If you are in a relationship and sharing this journey with someone wonderful, by all means make them feel special today–show them how much you appreciate them. We all deserve that, and sometimes we get more out of the giving than being the recipient. For some that means a night out on the town or an expensive gift, for others a hand-written note or a day spent hiking is the perfect memory. I’ll leave that part up to you, but don’t forget to love yourself in the process, and don’t get so caught up in finding the perfect gift that you forget what the gift is representing.
For the rest of US, if you are not in a relationship at the present time, take this day to do something special for yourself. Let’s take back Valentine’s Day and make it something great again! Have a party. Get a massage. Buy yourself chocolates, flowers, or something you’ve been wanting for a long time. Better yet, plant your own garden. Don’t wait for someone else to come along and make you feel special; and don’t be sad because they are not here yet. I have been happily married; I have been hopelessly in love, and while both are amazing and glorious experiences, the journey of getting to know myself and falling in love with me has been the most important one.
So, from now on when you see all things Valentine you won’t need to shrug away in fear, apathy, or anger. Let all things Valentine be a reminder of what great amazing adventure, gift, experience, or appreciation you gave to yourself this year. You deserve it! So, go out there and make this Valentine’s Day a day to remember. All my love, sincerely, me.
Heather Hymas has been a teacher in one form or another for the past 14 years. She has taught fourth grade, intermediate school, and college English, both at Dixie State University and Southern Utah University. She currently works as a teacher in a residential treatment center for troubled youth. She has a B.S. in elementary education, a master’s degree in education, and is currently working on her doctorate. She lives in St. George with her teenage daughter.
