Living a Life with Purpose: Wearing dresses and gender roles

January 25, 2015

First of all, if you are of the male persuasion I urge you to read on. I am using my experience and the choice of wearing and/or not wearing dresses as an example to talk about something bigger–to discuss how the ideals society puts on us, and the expectations of gender roles shape our personality, and therefore our purpose. What does wearing a dress have to do with all this? Let me explain.

When I think of myself as a little girl, two distinct images come to mind. The first is me with wild crazy hair dressed in cut-off shorts and an old halter top. I am running barefoot around the yard, climbing trees, and playing and digging in the mud with dirty fingernails with a determined look in my eye. I know I can keep up with any of the boys as far as dares go, catching fish out of the pond, or jumping bareback on a pony.

The second image is of me wearing a lovely yellow and white dress that poofs out from the waist down. My hair is up in pigtails; I am neatly groomed wearing white patent leather shoes. In this scenario, I am twirling and twirling dancing around like a princess. My eyes are laughing, purely feminine and soft. I have an open heart, full of love, and am ready to take on the world.

What happened to these little girls? Which one was the true me? What if the answer is both?

I believe each of us has feminine and masculine qualities within us–yin and yang if you will. Why did I have to choose? What if I liked being a tomboy with mud on my face as much as I liked dressing up and being a pretty princess? Why was one more acceptable and promoted by the people around me? I believe the discussion of gender stereotypes has been taking place, and things have changed dramatically since I was a little girl, but are we really that far advanced? What is your position on gender stereotypes? What limits and parameters do you put on yourself? Women, do you believe it’s ok to build things, work in the yard, or never wear a dress? Men are you comfortable baking, sewing, having a manicure, or being the nurturer in a relationship? Do your clothes speak to who you really are?

I went through many different stages and identities on my path to finding out who I really am, what makes me feel good, authentic, and what supports me in living a life with purpose. Because, what living a life with purpose is really and truly about is being authentic. Let me say that again. What living a life with purpose is truly about is being authentic. It is about recognizing and celebrating who you are and sharing that light with the world. Only when you are genuinely able to accept yourself completely can you truly appreciate other people’s light.

So, back to my progression. I don’t know if I went through more stages than most, but I surely tried on lots of hats in my quest for self-discovery. Maybe it took me longer, maybe I am just one of those people who has to try all the wrong things before I know something is right, but either way today I am an eclectic mix of all those styles I tried on and I wouldn’t have it any other way. They all make up the person I am today. I may look back and laugh at some of those “styles,” but I believe each gave me a greater insight into letting other people be who they are and celebrating our differences rather than being afraid of them or competing with them.

I believe this issue is more out in front and obvious for women because of the fight for equal rights and the battle between being strong and being feminine, but I do not want to leave the men out of this conversation. First of all, as a man, can you accept and see the beauty in a woman who isn’t feminine? Is she a threat to you? Do you feel you need to dress a certain way in order to be a real man–real men don’t wear purple or leisure suits or whatever it is for you? Is there something about yourself that you hide or deny because of how others might perceive it?

Whether you like it or not, your clothes speak to who you are, and we still have to dress a certain way in certain situations. Would you hire an attorney that showed up to court in flip flops and a hang-ten t-shirt? Or vice-versa, would you trust a yard care service that showed up to mow your lawn in a suit? I think not. The point is, are you comfortable with your style and with who you are? For a long time I wasn’t, and I didn’t wear dresses because I thought they portrayed an image of a certain type of women I did not want to be. I wanted to be strong, independent, liberal, have a voice, and not be taken for granted. I felt to compete in a man’s world I had to not dress like a pretty princess who needed saving.

It has been brought to my attention lately that I wear dresses all the time. This sort of happened without my noticing, but as I started thinking about it–it speaks volumes. I have become the woman I want to be. Do I still like to get dirty and play in the mud? Absolutely, but I have also accepted my feminine side and embraced the fact that I want to be treated like a princess and can be a strong independent women who can stand on her own two feet without having to wear cut-off jeans or steel toe boots. I wear dresses because I want to, because I like the way they make me feel, and it doesn’t matter what image that portrays to you as long as I am being authentic and feel good about myself.

So, guys, if you wanna wear a suit every day because it makes you feel strong and sexy, go for it. If you wanna wear an apron or a toga every day, go for it. Embrace what makes you feel good and happy inside, because when each of us is brave enough to show our real authentic self to the world and are comfortable with that, it gives everyone else the right to do so also.

Heather Hymas has been a teacher in one form or another for the past 14 years. She has taught fourth grade, intermediate school, and college English, both at Dixie State University and Southern Utah University. She currently works as a teacher in a residential treatment center for troubled youth. She has a B.S. in elementary education, a master’s degree in education, and is currently working on her doctorate. She lives in St. George with her teenage daughter.