There are too many sex change operations performed on fairground rides for my liking
By Stephen Philip Druce
Ever had the misfortune to witness a surgeon performing a sex change operation on a fairground ride?
Well beware folks, this sordid practice is on the rise.
I have it on very good authority that the medical community are brazenly slicing up their patients on fairground rides without government approval. You have to ask yourself — is a fairground park an appropriate environment for a surgeon to be making a primary incision into the patient’s perineum? Isn’t it a little conspicuous and out of context in a fun park?
It’s the moral question, too. Surely clamping and ligating the spermatic cord is a violation that contravenes fairground policy regarding sex change operations of this nature. In my opinion, the continued incision up the ventral side of the shaft is misplaced and tasteless. I have witnessed these graphic flesh atrocities, I have been hit by genital skin debris whilst eating a candy floss, I’ve seen fairground riders with testicles impaled to their foreheads — it’s a messy business. These innocent riders have no prior knowledge they will be subjected to a gruesome sausage dichotomy: the vision of developing genital skin to the anterior flap. The surgeon’s dissection of the shaft is a gross imposition upon any fairground rider with a squeamish disposition. Though this unlawful practice may be transitory, the majority of riders have no desire to witness any anatomical separation that will assure a fleshy stump.
I’ve always been a firm believer that fairground rides and sex change operations cannot coexist aesthetically or emotionally. The perforation of the anterior flap that is implemented to position the urethal meatus undermines the innocent frivolity spectacle the fairground industry endeavors to convey. Suturing the skin flaps and applying a new position is a medical phenomenon, but I am not enamored by the crude method these medics are utilizing within the public arena.
In light of this current epidemic, I urge the public to report any medical malpractices at fairground parks to the necessary authorities. Ignore the critics that accuse you of being prejudiced against surgeons that chop dicks off on fairground rides.
Editor’s Note: This article is satire. Sex change operations on public fairgrounds have yet to provoke any substantial public outcry.
Stephen Philip Druce is a self-professed “humour” writer from Shrewsbury, England.
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