It seems this year's Academy Awards will have no Oscar host now that Kevin Hart and his dossier of wisecracks have been officially ruled out.
It seems this year’s Academy Awards will have no Oscar host now that Kevin Hart and his dossier of wisecracks have been officially ruled out.

No Oscar host? No problem!

It seems this year’s Academy Awards will be conducted using a no-host format now that Kevin Hart and his dossier of wisecracks have been officially ruled out.

This might be a good thing, starting with the fact that a no-host ceremony will be mercifully shorter. Previous Oscar shows have dragged on well beyond a reasonable bedtime like a Monday Night Football game with 39 penalties, 54 commercials, and overtime.

Nominations will be announced Jan. 22, and the Academy should use the occasion to confirm not only the no-host policy but also these additional no-nos.

No politics. Insist that presenters and winners avoid all political references. If they mention politics, don’t play music, just cut their mics and move on.

No notes. Winners should not be allowed to feign surprise while pulling out a lengthy written list of people to thank. You’re a Hollywood professional for goodness sake! If you can’t adlib a few thank-yous, maybe moviemaking isn’t the right job for you.

No sharing. We get it: The losers in your category all did good work. After all, they were nominated for Oscars. But don’t pretend you’d like to “share” your award with them.

No families. Leave your parents, your wife, and your kids out of it. Above all, don’t use one of the biggest showbiz events of the year to tell Johnny and Suzie that “it’s ok to go to bed now.”

No sobbing. Sure, you’re overwhelmed. Get a grip.

No plugs. This is not the time to tell us about your next project or that you just signed a first-look deal with Netflix.

No gimmicks. The Golden Globes set a record for asininity by pretending to give flu shots to celebs in the audience. Spare us the sophomoric humor, please.

No teases. Skip the announcer pitches for what’s coming next; we all know we have to wait three hours for the big awards. And don’t say, “Only ABC!” before each of the three dozen commercial breaks.

With these minor adjustments, the 2019 Oscars could be really boffo.

Remember, the Academy has already wised up by backing away from its idiotic plan to award a “Most Popular” Oscar.

We should all get to sleep at a reasonable hour Feb. 24, except of course for the winners and near-winners who will cavort long into the night at Hollywood’s many after-Oscar parties where the only change that would not be tolerated is a no-host bar.

The viewpoints expressed above are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of The Independent.

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Peter Funt
In print and on television, Peter Funt continues the Funt Family tradition of making people smile – while examining the human condition. After 15 years hosting the landmark TV series “Candid Camera,” Peter writes frequent op-eds for The Boston Globe and The Wall Street Journal as well as his weekly column distributed by the Cagle Cartoon Syndicate. His writing contains the same pointed social observations that have made “Candid Camera” so popular since its invention by Peter’s dad, Allen, back in 1947. His new book, "Cautiously Optimistic," takes America's temperature in six-dozen essays, guaranteed to make readers think and smile. It's available at Amazon.com and through CandidCamera.com. Peter is a frequent speaker before business groups and on college campuses, using the vast “Candid Camera” library to bring his points to life. His newest presentation for corporate audiences, “The Candid You,” draws upon decades of people-watching to identify factors that promote better communication and productivity. Details about Peter Funt’s speaking engagements are available at: www.CandidCamera.com. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naYXOGIktsw for video. Peter hosted the newest versions of “Candid Camera” in recent years with Suzanne Somers and Dina Eastwood, with complete collections now available on DVD. Peter Funt actually made his first appearance on “Candid Camera” when he and the legendary series were each just three years old. Peter posed as a shoeshine boy who charged $10 per shoe! Since that time he has appeared in hundreds of “Candid Camera” sequences, hosted over 200 network episodes. In addition to his hidden-camera work, Peter Funt has produced and hosted TV specials on the Arts & Entertainment and Lifetime cable networks. He also spent five years as an editor and reporter with ABC News in New York. Earlier in his career, Peter wrote dozens of articles for The New York Times and TV Guide about television and film. He was editor and publisher of the television magazine On Cable. And he authored the book "Gotcha!" for Grosset & Dunlap on the lost art of practical joking. Peter’s essay on the evolution of television is included in “The Story of American Business,” published in 2009 by Harvard Business Press. Peter also follows in his father's footsteps as President of Laughter Therapy Foundation, a non-profit organization started by Allen Funt in 1982. Drawing from the Candid Camera library, Laughter Therapy sends special videos, at no charge, to critically ill people throughout the U.S. When Peter took over as host of the CBS specials, "Variety" wrote: "The latest new 'Candid Camera' specials seem to be getting funnier. Peter Funt is as personable as his dad..." Following Candid Camera's Battle of the Sexes special, "The Hollywood Reporter" observed: "This show is great fun. Peter Funt has a remarkably effective presence." Peter Funt received his degree in journalism from the University of Denver. In 2010 he returned to the Denver campus to be honored as a Master Scholar in Arts and Humanities. He is a past winner of the annual Silurian's Award for radio news reporting, for his ABC News coverage of racial disturbances in Asbury Park, NJ. Peter is founder of the Monterey County Young Journalists program in California, which provides hands-on training for high school students pursuing careers in news. He also inaugurated the Courtroom Journalism competition in Monterey County in conjunction with the Lyceum Organization, and conducts a similar statewide event for the Constitutional Rights Foundation in Los Angeles, as part of its Mock Trial program. Peter resides in Central California with his wife, Amy, and two children, Stephanie and Danny. His favorite pastimes are golf, baseball, tennis and people-watching.

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