 |
| Image: ElHeineken |
Written by Marianne Mansfield
I’m soon to depart for the land of giant mosquitoes, fresh asparagus, morel mushrooms the size of a large man’s thumb, and lush green living things. Pure Michigan. It is also the land in which one can order an alcoholic beverage without a side of food required in Utah to keep up the ruse that people don’t drink alcohol just because they like it; they drink it to wash down their food. Yeah, right.
And just as I’m packing my bags, my buddies at the DABC (Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control) hit the headlines again. This time it is the annual audit that has forced the agency into the spotlight. The state-conducted audit faults the DABC for improper training of management staff, lack of knowledge of industry ‘best practices,’ substandard accounting controls, monitoring of package agencies, as well as some warehouse procedures. The mandated audit was released on Tuesday.
Now, I think an annual audit is a fine idea for the DABC or any other agency that handles taxpayer money, but let’s be fair. The legislature just cut $500,000 from this agency’s budget. So the audit comes along with suggestions for improvement, like additional training for staff, and improvements to monitoring and inventory practices, all of which will add costs to the agency’s bottom line. And yet, the agency is making money. An increasing percentage of the agency’s profit is transferred to local and regional governments and is targeted for school lunches and public safety. Let the cheers ring out.
And cheer we should. Who can argue with spending more those efforts?
Unfortunately for the people who work at the DABC, it must feel like they’ve been strapped to a pinball in a machine on tilt. (For those of you who don’t understand that reference, look it up!)
BAM! The pinball slams into the flipper wielded by the majority religion with its fists wrapped firmly around all that goes on legislatively, a majority religion which frowns on the imbibing of alcohol. The legislature has tried to control drinking by limiting the alcohol content in beer sold and the amount of wine per glass served at a restaurant. They’ve mandated a Zion Curtain so that the youth of today won’t be sucked into a vortex of alcoholism by seeing bottles of spirits in dining establishments.
Most significantly for this discussion, they have managed to severely restrict the sale of wine and spirits to stores that the state owns and operates through the DABC. There is a mish mash of messages here, and it seems quite intentional. Check the DABC budget document for 2014, and I assume for years prior. One page is devoted to facts and figures; the second is devoted to all sorts of cautionary info about the evils of devil water.
BAM. Drinking is bad. Very bad.
Then the pinball that is the DABC caroms maniacally across the playfield to be sent sailing off a flipper operated by legislators who laud the money raised by the sale of alcohol. Magically, that money can make it appear as though there is increasing support for schools and public safety in the state budget.
BAM! Drinking is very bad, but we need the money it raises. Maybe not quite so very bad.
BAM! The DABC pinball slams violently into yet another flipper, this one wielded by the auditors who have a boatload of criticism for the way in which the DABC is doing its job. Better management, better inventory control, better customer relations. All of these are needed immediately if the cash cow that is the sale of liquors, beer and wine in the state is to be truly milked.
BAM! Drinking is very bad, but we need the money it raises, so maybe not so bad, and here’s how we can make more money on drinking, which is still very bad.
And BAM! Back to the legislators’ flipper again. These guys are faced with the dilemma of drinking being very bad but which could be even better than good if they could just make more money from the enterprise.
BAM. BAM. BAM!
The pinball spins and gyrates but finally drains away through the outlane, descending to the bowels of the machine. Goodbye, my friend.
This is where I, the customer, enter the picture. I buy alcohol. I drink alcohol. I am a citizen of Utah. So what right does the majority religion—in the guise of the legislature it largely controls—have to make it just a plain pain in the ass to buy and consume alcohol? I want to support the schools and public safety as much as the next person, all while I enjoy a glass or two of wine.
What right, one asks?
Because (wink wink) drinking is very bad.
But (wink wink) the revenue it contributes is really cool.
However, (wink wink) the pioneer image of the state of Utah could be in danger of being besmirched if steps were taken to enhance the really cool revenue which is raised by drinking Utahns, which is still very, very bad.
This gives me a headache. I’m glad I don’t work for the DABC.
Moreover, I’m happy to be on my way to Michigan for a while. The purchase of alcohol is so much easier there. No order of stale chips and salsa necessary.
