Teaching children to have an attitude of gratitude

It’s hard to believe, but the month of November is already here. Along with the ushering in of the holiday season, November is also the month of remembering to be thankful or grateful for the things that we have. As a mother, one of my goals is to make sure that my children understand what gratitude is and why they should be thankful for all the wonders this life holds for them.

I’ve come to believe that unfortunately, the more we have, the more we think we need. This attitude is especially prevalent among children and teens. As parents, we want so much to give our children perhaps what we ourselves did not have. However, I have really come to realize that we are actually doing them a disservice by making life easier for them. It’s harder to appreciate something when you have never gone without.

Our country is truly a land of prosperity and wealth. We have so much to be grateful for and so much opportunity that we really take what we have here for granted. People all over the world know this, and many dream of being able to come to America to live. Why then is it so hard for many of us to recognize what we have and be grateful? Perhaps we have become apathetic, lazy, or just too needy or even greedy to recognize the true worth of the life we have.

So what exactly is gratitude, and why is it important to teach it to our children? Having gratitude is more than just feeling thankful. Gratitude is having a full appreciation of the things you have in your life and recognizing their worth. Gratitude is not dependent on having or achieving certain things. In contrast to what many people may think, you do not even need to have lots of things in life to be grateful or to be happy. Money really does not buy happiness. In fact, research seems to show that people who show more gratitude in life, even if they do not have much in the way of material things, are happier people. Additionally, those that report being happier not only feel more gratitude, but also say their happiness is not dependent on income, social position, or age. These people simply live their life with an attitude of thankfulness. In contrast, there are many people in the world that seem to have everything their heart could ever desire in the way of material items, social status, beauty, and even good health; however, these people report being unhappy with their life and experience less satisfaction.

Goeffrey James, author and editor of Inc.com, wrote an article entitled “The true secret to success (it’s not what you think)” about the power of gratitude. He writes that “The real secret to lifelong success is the regular exercise of a single emotional muscle: gratitude.”

He believes that there is real power in being grateful because those that are grateful feel successful in whatever they do in turn seek out and gain more success. In addition, when something doesn’t work out the way they wanted it to, grateful people are able to put things into perspective instead of feeling bitter, resentful, or discouraged.

James suggests that we think of gratitude as a muscle that needs to be strengthened by daily use. The more we use it, the stronger it can become and the more resilient we can become to the negatively of life around us. He says that the best time to exercise our gratitude muscle is at night just before going to bed. He recommends writing down in a daily journal or notebook the positive things that happen during your day no matter how small or insignificant you may think it may be. When you write down these things—such as making someone smile, or talking to an old friend—you start to re-program your brain to view your day more positively, which actually will attract more success in your life. As you strengthen this grateful muscle, moments of success will not only come your way, you will start to see life and those around you in a positive light rather than a negative one.

Researchers who study the benefits of gratitude also show that besides being more successful and happier in life, people that have more gratitude also live a healthier life. They report that people who keep some kind of a gratitude journal sleep better, have less physical pain, and lower symptoms of depression and stress. Some were even able to lower their blood pressure. All good reasons to strengthen our gratitude muscle. In addition, they say having an attitude of gratitude can also develop our personality in a positive way, such as making us more optimistic, reducing materialism, making us less self-centered, and increasing self-esteem. It can even help us live longer.

So if you are wondering when or how to start, as the saying goes, there is no better time than the present. Having gratitude really is a choice. You can do as James suggests and start a gratitude journal, write a daily blog on Facebook or even your desk at work about something you are grateful for, or come up with something of your own that helps you remember.  I have a friend who has a tradition to make a Thankful tree on their wall in November. Every day, she and her family write down on a leaf-shaped cutout one thing that they are grateful for and attach it to the tree. They do this every day until Thanksgiving when they can see and remember all the things in life that they are truly grateful for. This not only helps her to recognize her blessings but also helps her children to recognize them as well. This can become a fun as well as treasured tradition that can help your children strengthen their gratitude muscle. November has just started, so if that appeals to you, there is still plenty of time to fill a tree with leaves of gratitude.

No matter which method you try, having an attitude of gratitude can help us in life. As with anything we try to teach and foster in our children, learning to have gratitude takes time and patience, but the rewards are so worth it. Why not start now?