Written by Crystal SchwalgerAs everyone knows, Valentine’s Day is coming up soon. This of course, had me thinking of ways I could show my handsome husband a little extra love. Since we recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, you would think I would have all kinds of ideas for love that are time tested. Well, yes and no. I do try to think of new and exciting ways to make the day special, but I pretty much use my fall-back from an old English proverb which says, ‘The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
In all the years we have been married, I have of course learned to cook a few of my husband’s favorite cultural dishes from his home island of Samoa. These include Samoan chop suey, and coconut buns. Unfortunately, besides using soy sauce liberally on chicken, that was pretty much the extent of my ethnic dishes. Last week however, I found some recipes on-line for some other dishes like Samoan curry and half moon pies. I was feeling somewhat ambitious so I decided to surprise my husband and try them out. Much to me and my husband’s surprise, they both came out perfect. My husband was so happy to have a taste from home, and he was grateful that I wanted to make something special for him.
This got me thinking. What exactly does this old proverb mean? Can just being a great cook make a man love you forever? Does cooking a great meal have the power to not only hold a love, but change the course of a relationship forever? If you are feeling skeptical about the power of food like I was, you might be interested in the studies done by Dr. Alan Hirsch. He is the neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago, Illinois. His research seems to show that food has more power than we realize. He claims that eating hot and spicy food releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins into the bloodstream, while sweet tastes and smells “induce a state of physical pleasure”. Hirsch also says that according to his research, the scents that are most appealing to men include cinnamon buns, vanilla, lavender, doughnuts and pumpkin pie.
Next time you go out, maybe instead of putting on all that expensive perfume, you should just rub in a little vanilla extract or pumpkin pie spice on your neck. You could even eat a Cinnabon, or a donut. Hey, if that’s what they like, why not.
Seriously though, does that mean then, if you are a lousy cook you have no chance in finding or keeping your true love? What if you are a pretty decent cook, but one day your cooking just isn’t up to par? Does that mean your relationship is over? Of course not! If this concept was true, not only would men just marry women who were great chefs, but also when they met a prospective mate, he would hand over a list of his favorite meals to see if her cooking met with his approval. The very idea not only sounds offensive, it sounds ridiculous. Where then, does this proverb come from, and why is it so widely known?
Well, if you think about it, the making of food and eating together can be an intimate experience. Food and the aromas it emits can make strong and lasting memories, influence moods, and even build relationships. Researchers have proven that scents can highly influence not only memory and mood, but also can bring up powerful responses in people. Advertisers, marketers, and realtors have been using this knowledge for years because they know what a powerful impact scents can have on what, how and why people buy what they buy.
In my opinion, it’s more than the mere smell or taste of the food itself that is behind this proverb. The reason it has passed the test of time is not really in the food itself, but in what is behind the food, and the messages that are being sent.
If you have ever read the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, you will know what I am talking about. This book discusses the five different ways that almost all humans experience and recognize love. He says that “Everyone has their own love language.” One of his five Love Languages is called “Acts of Service.” Chapman‘s main premise for this language is that “for certain people, actions speak louder than words.” According to Chapman, some people feel loved when they receive acts of service done for them in a loving and cheerful way.
It isn’t just about cooking a meal for someone; it could be any number of small and simple things you can do for your significant other. When they know that you are doing things especially for them, they feel loved. It goes to their heart. I think this is what the meaning is behind that proverb. When you are trying to make something special in the kitchen for your love, it shows you care, that you want to make something they like. Not because you have to, but because you want to make them happy. That act of service goes a lot farther than the actual food. It goes to their heart.
Did making some of my husband’s favorite dishes make his heart grow stronger? You bet it did, and mine too. Why? Because you love the ones you give service to. It’s all about the heart.
As you ponder the upcoming Valentine’s Day and what you are going to do for or with that special someone, maybe you should think about that old English proverb with new eyes. Is the way to a man’s heart through his stomach? Well, not necessarily, but it couldn’t hurt!
