Tiny Living in a Giant World

As I sit here putting thoughts to words, I realize I have 27 dollars in my pocket. My entire life savings amounts to a figure less than my age! I have a prospective part-time job that if it works out, will begin in 3 weeks. If all goes well, this means I can get my first paycheck in approximately 6 weeks. I have a commission sales job I am just getting started in and it will probably be a few months before it will turn an income.

I have no food in my pantry. In fact, I don’t have a pantry. I don’t actually even have a proper place to live. I am staying with different friends watching their homes and caring for their pets when they go out of town in exchange for a roof, shower, and ambient temperatures. Another friend allows me to crash in between house sitting opportunities. I am the proud owner of a very old, decrepit, falling-apart camp trailer in need of refurbishing in order to simply get it into livable condition. Money and materials don’t allow for this to happen currently. The vehicle I have is an old farm truck on its last leg that guzzles fuel faster than Biolife can suck my plasma. Most people would be embarrassed to ride in it let alone drive it or claim ownership of it. Nobody considers breaking in to steal things; instead, they leave dollar bills and notes of encouragement. 😉

Most people would be frightened and distraught to be in the position I am. Add to this a son who lives with me full time. Trying to keep us both safe, sheltered, fed and healthy can be terrifying. However, I find myself in a very unique position of being mentally and emotionally happier than I have been in years and perhaps, during my entire adult life. I am grateful for the circumstances and lessons that brought me to this point. I am thrilled with being in this moment. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a place that I would
advise anyone to get to in the physical sense; nor, is it a place I will be satisfied in remaining. However, the place it has allowed me to go spiritually and emotionally, the things I have learned, combined with the opportunities and possibilities I can see are worth the cost of getting here. For a broke, semi-homeless, couch surfing, camp-trailer dwelling vagabond – I have some amazing friends and I enjoy enriching conversation. Believe it or not, I live a very fulfilling life.

I am not advocating for others to join this lavish lifestyle. So, before you put up a yard sale sign and haul all your belongings off to charity – let’s visit. I hope this recurring visit will help provide a glimpse of how to get here (spiritually, mentally, emotionally, gratefully) without losing it all. Though, should you find yourself on the park bench next to me – it is my hope we will share a conversation, a cry, a laugh, and build a bond allowing us to cherish living in the moment while encouraging one another to continue on.

Thinking about a shattered and failed marriage of 20 years, the loss of daily interaction with my kids, the loss of a business, a home, and the family life I had worked so hard to create, it is easy to get lost in a deep depression. I was there. Add to this, the loss of my greatest fan and cheerleader – my mom and the fact that my 20 year old son is fighting a battle for his life and it could seem almost impossible to rise from the depths of these trials or even have the desire to care. All of this can weigh heavy on a soul while attempting to figure out my place living in this world.

The reality is there are others that have experienced equal or even greater hardship. We all have struggles. It is less about what we go through than how we choose to react. There are many things we have little influence over what happens to us; but, we
always have a choice in how we respond. We can focus upon the hardship of the struggle and the loss or, we can look at the lessons available. We can utilize the lessons to shape us with compassion, understanding, and gratefulness for all that can be learned from the experiences we have.

It is easy to get caught up worrying or pursuing; thus, causing us to forget it is the present moment that truly counts. It is not about what happened yesterday or about what we are going to do tomorrow that matters nearly as much as what we DO TODAY. Embracing all we have and what we can do right now allows us to be grateful. It allows us to live in the present, releasing us from regret and preventing us from anxiousness. As long as we realize it is about progress and not perfection – we can accept we are doing the best we can under the circumstances we are facing.

Is it really too utopian to believe in community? Can we really change the world? I am a dreamer and a believer. People are starving for connections. We can change our world and how we interact within it. Let’s go forward and join with others living in the present and appreciating the lessons offered in all experiences. Live a life of gratitude and filled with love. I have found a freedom in the letting go of material things that has allowed for the blessings of what seems to fill my soul and bring an internal happiness. The cost of tuition has been worth every hardship. It is the relationships, the connections, the living that feeds my soul. I am RICH beyond my wildest imagination.

Please, consider joining me along this expedition. It is my desire to be a part of a community in which we can share with, learn with, and experience with as we navigate this journey of life we all travel. Though we all may be traversing different trails, our paths cross from time to time. It is my hope that we would all take the time to connect with others and sit a spell while visiting, sharing experiences and learning from one another.

As I begin the journey towards rebuilding a little stability and perhaps a slightly nicer living environment (believe me, it won’t take much to improve upon) I hope to continually be mindful of this. I never want to trade my purpose for gold. I do believe there is a way to have comfort and peace that internal happiness brings. Hopefully, you’ll keep your pad as you search the meaning and purpose of your life. Hell, you better, I might need to ask if I can pull up the trailer and borrow the shower along my travels of the road of hard knocks. I’ll bring my own soap.