Travel fit — and preferably alive
I have learned the importance of paying attention to detail when traveling. For instance, the name on your passport must match the name on your birth certificate and driver’s license exactly. When I married 15 years ago, it seemed like a good idea to hyphenate my last name. That way, I could always drop the “Barker” if yet another relationship bit the dust. I’m happy to report that this one might make it, but now I’m stuck with Lorraine Anne Nelson-Barker, which doesn’t fit in any computer fields. I tried diligently to drop my middle name, to no avail. Apparently, whatever is on your birth certificate is what you will be stuck with for life. But at least I’m not dead.
I rarely connect with my siblings. Our lifestyles are just very different, and we are all OK with that. We also live in different areas of the country, so we don’t see one another often. When I got a letter from an insurance company stating that my brother, Doug, was dead, it seemed probable. I hadn’t heard from him in at least five years and only knew that he lived in California. So I called my sister, Carrie, and asked her if Doug is dead. She didn’t think so, but couldn’t be sure. She hadn’t spoken to him since maybe July. The only correct contact information I had for Doug was an email address, so I emailed him and informed him that he had died, at least according to the insurance company. He replied that he didn’t feel dead, but one never knows. He has felt a bit sluggish lately. Besides, he doesn’t think he has life insurance. Because I’m married to an insurance agent, I’m going to suggest he get some. It would help if I were the beneficiary.
The whole incident was been a source of amusement and has ironically helped us to reconnect. However, we are not done. We assumed the first letter may have been a fraudulent attempt to collect money and ignored it until we got another. This time, my husband, the insurance agent, called the insurance company to notify them that Doug is not dead. After the dreaded “eternal hold,” which is worse than death, he was informed that they need proof that Doug is alive. I guess the fact that we don’t have a death certificate doesn’t count. So the letter informing Doug that he is dead is on its way to the deceased. I now have his correct address. At his point, Doug will never get on a plane unless it’s in cargo, which is sometimes an enticing option. It’s still not a free ride.
The insurance company may not know if you are dead, but the government does know. Gone are the days of casual travel using your nickname or fake ID. Facial recognition is here, and it knows who you are, so don’t pretend that you are dead. It won’t work. Also, avoid making silly jokes about bombs, death, or mass destruction. You could end up dead or in prison. Neither is an enticing prospect in my view.
My recommendations for easier travel are as follows:
—Don’t even think about a middle name when naming your child. A “junior” or “senior” designation confuses everyone.
—Make sure your passport is not within six months of expiring, and make sure you’re not expired.
—The name on your tickets and travel information must match the name on your passport (including your middle name — see No. 1).
—Try downloading and using the mobile passport app. It’s pure genius.
—Get through lines faster with Global Entry or TSA PreCheck.
—It’s never a bad idea to consult a travel agent.
—Email your friends and family occasionally.
