Red used to be my favorite color. Bright, hot, sexy; it matched how I felt inside, and made any room sparkle like a freshly picked apple or a cherry bursting with ripeness. Red is bold and beautiful and demands attention, like a fire truck screaming down the street to save the world. And it can also be as soft as a velvet heart on a valentine, or the beautiful downy feathers on the front of a robin flying free, heading south, following the sunshine. No matter what shade or hue of red you prefer, it always says, “Wake up, take notice, I am here, and I am making a statement.”
Lately, my favorite color has switched to blue. Blue is soft and low; it washes over you like a dreamy afternoon sky, or a slowly babbling brook that mumbles and gurgles tales of places you’ve never been. Blue does not demand attention. Instead, it whispers gently, softly in your ear, “Please notice me, feel what I am feeling, see that I am reaching out to you, and that I need your attention as much as red does, but I just do not know how to ask.” Blue represents calm, breathing, water, the sky, and the blue jay who is resting patiently in her nest, waiting for her eggs to hatch just keeping them warm, dry, and safe.
So then, why do people use the term “feeling blue” when talking about sadness or depression? I can’t answer that question (I actually scoured the Internet looking for a reliable answer from a reputable source, but couldn’t find one), but I can feel and understand the correlation. I can tell you that I have been feeling blue, and it is not a happy place. Depression is real, and it is something that has been blatantly apparent everywhere I turn lately.
Whether it is the headlines talking about Robin Williams and the tragedy surrounding his death, the personal stories I have heard from suicide survivors in our community over the past couple of weeks, or other friends that are going through some kind of trauma in their life right now, depression seems to be rearing its ugly head in full force around me. I feel the need to discuss it, because unless you have experienced it yourself, I think there are a lot of misconceptions out there about depression.
Depression comes in many different forms and levels of intensity. I think we all have had moments in our life when we feel sad, or hopeless, or discouraged, and do not want to deal with the reality of a situation. This is normal, but when the sadness or these other negative feelings linger and refuse to leave, it is time to get some help. This is called situational depression. It is brought on by a situation that has caused a person undue stress beyond the point of their normal ability to cope; things like divorce, death, moving, changing jobs, etc. Even though it may be situational, it is still serious. Often, these things just take time to recover from. A period of adjustment to the new reality, or changes, are necessary. In the interim, though, it is essential that you find a healthy way to go through this transition. For some, that requires time alone to think and process, and for others it requires reaching out to a friend, family member, or a professional in order to talk through your feelings. Only you can decide what is best for you, but if you are feeling sad or hopeless, whatever you choose to do should alleviate these feelings and help you feel better.
In my own experience, it is usually the things that I don’t want to do that bring me the most relief. Physical exercise is proven to help depression and relieve symptoms. Get outside in the sunlight and sweat. Go to the gym or a yoga class. Lately, walking my dog is all the exercise I have been able to muster, but at least that is helping both of us. Reaching out and asking for help or talking about my feelings, which can seem overwhelming or too painful at times, always makes me feel better afterwards. I had a wise therapist tell me once that “depression is just anger turned inside.” At the time, I argued with her, saying that I wasn’t angry, just sad and hurt, but with some introspection, I realized I really was angry about the situation and what had been done to me. After I was able to realize this and let some of the anger go, my depression was relieved.
Now, I need to state that I am not a doctor. I am in no way proposing to give medical advice. I am just discussing my experiences, what I have seen in others, and what has worked for me as far as recovering from situational depression. I am also not talking about a real chemical imbalance, where a person may need medication. If you have these symptoms or feel that you are suffering and not getting better, please reach out to a professional and seek help. Everyone deserves to feel joy and happiness, and there is help.
I am imploring to everyone, though, if someone reaches out to you, listen. Lend an ear, a shoulder, or a hand, whatever they might need at the time. You never know when a small gesture on your part might make a huge difference in someone else’s life.
So, am I still feeling blue? Yes, a little. More than that, though, I have really been missing my favorite color, red, with all its excitement and intensity. But, I have realized blue has something to offer also, with its calm and relaxing nature. I think that I will mix the two together and create a brilliant purple. Purple, where I can keep both of red and blue’s amazing qualities, but by mixing them together, I am able to come up with something new and wonderful.
Change and loss are inevitable in this life. We all have to go through change, and accept loss on some level. But what if, instead of staying stuck in one color or just switching from one to another, you take these experiences and mix them together to create anew an ever-evolving you? In my case, it is a beautiful new purple. What is your color?
