Written by Heather Hymas
As I thought about a topic to continue our conversation this week, I was considering discussing connections, and how they come to us, how we embrace them, or how sometimes, we simply miss the chance to make them, when I received this email from a reader:
Dear UG,
I have been thinking much about my life and how even though I have a good job and a family I love, I personally do not feel completely fulfilled. I am grateful for both. I make a good living at my job. I try to be an active and involved parent. My spouse and I are happy. All of these things are good, and are meaningful, but I still feel something is missing. I wondered after reading your column, am I living a life with purpose? What’s missing? How do I make an impact on the world where I feel that I am really making a difference?
I mean, I had other dreams and ambitions when I was younger, things I wanted to do but never did. After I got married, I followed the career path that seemed right for me and would provide for my family. I love my children more than I ever thought possible. So, why do I still have this sense that I should or could be doing something more?
Sincerely,
Contemplative Reader
Dear Contemplative Reader,
I was a little taken aback after reading this email. I started thinking about all the things you are doing that seem (to me) so good, meaningful, productive, and even out of reach to many of us. Why would you feel something is missing? I can’t say whether something is missing for you or not, but I can comment on what I have seen and learned from working with hundreds of parents and children over the years.
But first, let’s talk about perspective. Perspective can change a bad day into a good one. It can make an enormous failure become a challenge or a learning experience. It can take an angry or hurt person and change them into an empathetic friend. Perspective is one of the most powerful tools we have as human beings to alter our experience. I can choose how I see, respond to, and react to situations either negatively or in a positive manner, solely based on my perspective.
So, my first question to you is: What is your perspective on living a life with purpose? What have you put value and importance on in your life? For many people out there, the things you have accomplished and/or are doing have been completely out of reach so far in their lives. Many struggle to provide for their family, to obtain or keep a job that gives them security and stability so that they have the time and energy to focus on other things. As a parent and educator, I would consider this a very high purpose. Giving a child a home where they can thrive and grow without worrying about how long they will get to stay in this living arrangement, whether they will have to change schools again, leave their friends, can even have friends, or where their next meal is coming from makes such a positive impact on not only that child’s future, but on society in general.
You said that you are involved and try to be a supportive and active parent. I can tell you from my own experience, and from watching so many children who do not have the support of a caring adult, a sense of their own self-worth, or a feeling that someone loves them unconditionally struggle that you are making an enormous impact on the world in ways that you may never know about, or see realized for years, but either way, the ripple effect your children may have on the world goes out in small waves.
You also stated you are happily married. As I am sure you are well aware, this is also, for many people, an area that has eluded them. Whether they have found themselves in a situation where the only good answer was divorce, have yet to find the person they want to marry, have been unable to sustain a healthy relationship, or to even just find happiness with someone else, this is an area that many people feel is missing from their lives or that they have simply been unable to obtain. So, kudos to you, my friend! Being happily married (or just in a healthy relationship), in my perspective, is also having an amazing purpose in your life. The hard work and dedication it takes to cultivate, nourish, and grow happily alongside another human being is not something to be dismissed lightly. The message you are sending out to the world that this is not just possible, but also an attainable reality, is filled with hope and inspiration.
If you can see the world as a big pond with people at all different stages in their swimming ability, some of us are still standing on the shore waiting to get our feet wet, some are in up to their knees, others are treading water just fighting to stay afloat, and some are swimming rapidly, desperately attempting to reach the other side. No matter where people are at in this big pond we call life, when you send out a ripple, it reaches others at some point, whether it is instantly, slowly, or maybe not until years down the road. The point is, we can all be either sending out positive ripples or negative waves. By sending out your own positive ripples, no matter how big or how small, they will all eventually reach the shore and inevitably touch somebody else’s life along the way.
Perspective is so powerful. I can focus on the nine children in my class that I was able to reach today and help build either their knowledge or self-concept, or I can focus on the seven kids who were not engaged or willing to participate. I can see my purpose as reaching as many children every day as I can and making a positive difference in their lives, or I can see my purpose as reaching every child every day and failing miserably. We all have areas in our life we could improve on, or maybe even really want to change, but the point remains, am I going to focus on my deficiencies or on my strengths? Can just focusing on my strengths and sharing them with the world be a fulfilling life of purpose? I say resoundingly, yes!
So, Contemplative Reader, as far as whether something is missing from your life, you are going to have to figure that out. Only you can answer that question. Is there something that you are not sharing with the world? Is there something that you need to do for yourself in order to become whole, heal, feel joy, or love yourself completely? If you gave up on a dream you had when you were younger, is it time to dust it off and bring that dream back into focus? These are questions one can only truly answer for oneself. I am certainly going to ponder them this week.
Having said all of that, I urge you to consider your perspective. Could you do more? Should you be doing more? I don’t know. But, are you really seeing the value in yourself and what you are already doing? Have you altered your perspective in order to really see all of the positive ripples you are making in the pond? I will never be Mother Teresa, or Madonna, or Einstein, or Maya Angelou. I may never be happily married, have children, write a book, play music, or find the cure for cancer, but does that make me any less valuable? I might not do big things, according to someone else’s perspective. I may only do very small things that never make a wave, or even a splash, but I am making ripples. I am sending out positive ripples every day, in my own way, to the best of my ability, and those small things add up over time.
It is not always the big things that make a difference. Sometimes, it’s the smallest of things that make the biggest splash when they finally reach the shore. Does that make my life less purposeful than the big wave-makers? Not in my perspective. How about yours?
Please send your questions, comments, grievances, arguments, compliments, and/or praise to [email protected]. I look forward to swimming in this amazing pond we call life with you, and discussing finding our purpose together.
Heather Hymas has been a teacher in one form or another for the past 14 years. She taught fourth grade for seven years, has worked at the intermediate level, taught college English for a semester at Dixie State University and then the following year at Southern Utah University, before deciding to take a job working with troubled youth. She is currently works as a teacher in a residential treatment center. Heather has a B.S. in elementary education, a minor in English, and a Master’s degree in education. She lives in St. George with her teenage daughter and three dogs.
