Written by Heather Hymas
Undoubtedly, in the pursuit of finding your purpose in life, and living that purpose with authenticity, you should be searching for ways to incorporate new ideas, behaviors, and beliefs into your life. Adding these components should encourage your purpose to flourish, grow, and help make these ideas become a reality. As I have been looking for the things that I need to add to my life, attempting to listen and respond, another important aspect has become blatantly apparent to me. There is the opposite side to this coin, the yin to my yang — the concept of walking away.
Walking towards a goal or in the direction we want our life to take can be scary, unpredictable, and requires a tremendous leap of faith. It can demand us to face our fears, believe in the impossible, and drudge up courage from places inside ourselves that we did not even know existed. However, over the past two weeks, I have come to know and understand something even more frightening. Leaving the familiar behind and walking into the dark abyss of the unknown; the idea of giving something up. Being able to walk away from things in our lives that do not serve us, are harmful, or keep us from reaching our goals and potential can prove to require even more courage than trying something new. We, as human beings, tend to cling to the known, rather than face the unknown. We will stay with what is comfortable or familiar, even if it is less than desirable, because we understand it and we know how to “be” there. I have learned this week that as hard as it is to walk away or give something up, often, that is the only way we can move forward.
This concept may seem easy to grasp when talking about behaviors that we know are unhealthy, like smoking, overeating, gambling, or not exercising, but when it comes to walking away from a belief, an idea, a reaction or response, and/or people that no longer serve us, that first step in the opposite direction can feel like jumping over the Grand Canyon. Just turning away from something you love and have come to depend upon can feel like ripping off a scab. It’s painful, it usually leaves a scar, and it can open the wound back up to infection and bleeding, but sometimes it is the only way to make a clean break. The temporary pain you may feel, the uncomfortableness of the absence, and the change may seem overwhelming. I have learned a few tips that can help you walk through this type of experience with some grace and ease. I am not saying it will be easy, because believe me, I understand how incredibly hard it can be, but here are a few practices that if you put them in place, they can be Lidocaine to that painful open sore.
First, if you are going to walk away from something, most professionals will tell you the easiest way to give up something harmful is to replace it with something healthy. So, if you are going to stop eating fast food, you need to replace it with a healthy alternative. You wouldn’t just stop eating altogether, right? If you decide that a reaction or a response that you seem to always have in certain situations is unhealthy, then you need to have a plan and a replacement behavior to use the next time the situation arises. Second, walking away is always easier if you are not alone. Make sure you have a support group, or at least someone with whom you can honestly share information and who will encourage and support you.
Asking for help has always been something that has made me very uncomfortable, but I have learned that it is a necessity. Having a hand to hold as you crawl down that dark tunnel can turn a long, laborious journey into an amazing adventure. Most certainly, when you come out the other side into the light and beauty of your new existence, having someone to share that experience with can turn just a simple, happy moment into a joyous occasion.
Focus on the gain, not the loss. Often, I believe we fail at making a change because we focus on what we are leaving behind or losing, rather than where we are going and what we are gaining. I have learned this the hard way (over and over, in some cases). Every time I have kept my focus on what I am giving up or losing, I have either not been able to make the change I wanted, or I have failed to stick with it and returned to my old behavior sooner, if not later.
So, find a healthy replacement and use it. Reach out and share your experience with someone. Be strong enough to ask for an attentive ear, a supportive shoulder, and a hand to hold. But most importantly, when you are walking away, don’t look back. Don’t focus on what’s behind you. Keep your head up, your heart open, and your eyes on the road in front of you. Walk into your new existence with courage and grace. I think you will be surprised at how quickly your wound will heal, and how that once painful and ugly scab has been replaced with an amazingly beautiful scar.
