What Fathers Bring To Our Lives

What Fathers Bring To Our Lives

– By Lisa Rutherford –

There are fun fathers, serious fathers, smart fathers, lazy fathers, active fathers, silly fathers, stern fathers, and more! They come in all shapes and sizes, and some who fill a father role aren’t even related to those whose lives they bless. What they all have in common is they are fathers in the sense that they foster another human. Now it’s time to honor them again. So many thoughts run through my mind.

As is the case with most fathers, my dad was a mix of many qualities. He could be very funny but could also be very cutting in his remarks. He was a very loving man but could be very demanding, which was not easy for a child who was difficult – me. Dad never turned the discipline over to Mom. He was the one who dished out the spankings when appropriate. Not sure how he would manage in a time like ours now when that is so frowned upon. Because he was also a very smart guy, I guess he would have adjusted just as many others have to the new ways of disciplining kids – time outs, etc. But I managed to survive and have turned out to be a reasonably well-adjusted person. When I think back to my childhood and some of my behavior, I do believe I deserved to be swatted a time or two, although that practice does not set a good example!

What Dad brought to my life is what’s important, not the few welts he may have left on my behind. During my life he was always supportive. He didn’t always like what I did or what I believed, but he always showed his deep love for me in many ways. When I was little, I would often get leg aches late at night and wake up crying. Even though he needed his rest and would be getting up early for work, he would come in and sit on my bed to massage my little legs to help. Soon, the discomfort would be gone and I would be back asleep. I don’t know if sleep came that easily for him after those times.

I have other memories of Dad including riding “horsey” on his back and our father-daughter banquets. I remember one banquet when he came to me before the event, and said, “Chrissy (nickname), I have something for you!” He was so pleased with his offering, and I asked with the great anticipation that only a child can generate, “Oh, no, Daddy, not a fuh coat?” (Mom had a fur coat which I loved!) What he had was a corsage for me to wear, which was lovely, but my expectations have always been high, I guess. He was a little taken aback but quickly recovered and I loved it, too. When Dad travelled, he would always return with some little something in his suitcase for me that let me know he was thinking of me even when he was gone.

My parents’ relationship was often fraught and they eventually divorced when I was around seventeen. Perhaps that’s why I acted out when I was young because of the stress in the house. In any case, my relationship with my dad continued throughout my life. He was never a “missing-in-action” father as some become after a divorce. When I moved to Alaska and lived there for thirty years, it was tough to be away from family. But, Dad (and Mom, too) wrote religiously and I still have letters from both that I cherish. Dad wrote beautifully – almost poetically – and the love he felt for me was apparent – is apparent! – in those letters.

When Dad died it was like a piece of me went with him. As I sat by his bedside as he was near death, I could not believe this was happening to my “daddy.” Even as an adult I was always his little girl and how could I go on without him? I have, but the memories and love persist. He taught me a lot about life and persistence and learning and tenacity but mostly about love.

So, Dads are certainly more than cards, ties and socks, golf balls, and “Best Dad” coffee cups – although those little items from kids show how much we love them. They are part of our heart and soul – some more than others and all have a place in the hearts of the children they help create or didn’t, as in the case of adoptive fathers or those who aren’t fathers at all but rather help pave the way through their love and caring ways for children who come into their lives in one way or another.

So, on this Father’s Day 2023, I say “bravo” to all the men who work to fill this important role in our lives.

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