Why not have a baby?
By Stephen Philip Druce
Men who don’t want children are incessantly bombarded with the question, “Why don’t you want to have a baby?”
Such men soul-search and conclude that they couldn’t face the arduous task of having to push a screaming baby from out of their anus.
They couldn’t face it — not their anus, the task. It would be too arduous. The pushing would be too arduous for a man who couldn’t face the arduous task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus.
They couldn’t face it — not their anus, the screaming baby. It would be too noisy. The screaming baby would be too noisy for a man who couldn’t face the noisy task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus.
They couldn’t face it — not their anus, the pain. It would be too painful. Pushing out a screaming baby would be too painful for a man who couldn’t face the painful task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus.
They couldn’t face it — not their anus, the pregnancy test: an examination of the prostate gland for signs of an enlargement, which may signify a growing fetus. It would be too embarrassing. The test would be too embarrassing for a man who couldn’t face the embarrassing task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus.
They couldn’t face it — not their anus, the getting pregnant process: being injected with the lady’s breast milk into the man’s rectum, which fertilizes the prostate egg. Being injected with a lady’s breast milk into the rectum would cause the man to become squeamish. The experience would be too squeamish for a man who couldn’t face the squeamish task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus.
Many human biologists claim the male species is biologically unequipped for impregnation, or even in fact to conceive. They state that procreation is solely the function of the female gender. In light of this new scientific evidence, my wife told me, “I’ll have to have the baby instead then, but I insist you be present at the birth.” I told her, “Oh no, I couldn’t face it — not my anus, yours.”
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