Discipline within: Finding true empowerment
From the beginning of our lives, most of us are conditioned into making choices based on what our authority figures want us to do or how they think we need to be molded in order to fit into society. As beings of love, all we want is to be loved. For many of us, if we do what they want us to do, we’re rewarded and approved of, and if we don’t, we’re punished and the flow of love is withdrawn. Our sense of power, discipline, and consequence is very much externally motivated, and we lose touch with the innate intelligence that’s always within us to guide us toward our highest good and inspiration.
This column hasn’t been up for over a month, although my journey with yoga recently has expanded me and taught so much. I’ve had so many ideas and insights that I’ve been overwhelmed as to where to begin to put it into an article to share. There has also been an underlying self-sabotage as I rebel and avoid the very responsibilities that I have chosen for myself. My ability to have a sense of discipline and follow-through has eluded me. Today, I sat down to chant a mantra, and I fell apart. I sobbed. I felt tenderness and compassion for myself and my desire to be forgiven for not showing up for myself in my life.
I realized that I had internalized this way of disciplining myself with fear and shame, and it created a resistance within me. My inner dogma queen had fallen apart, and I had no other reference point for how to be responsible. I needed to find a sense of discipline that came from something deeper than some authoritarian voice in my head bossing me around with threats and demands — a responsibility to something deep within me that resonated with the deepest core of me. When the energy is flowing freely through our bodies, when there is no resistance or stored blockages in the body, mental clarity is our natural state. Yoga creates space in the body for energy to flow freely and balances that free flow of energy with developing concentration and one-pointedness. The attitude with which we do these practices gives birth to our relationship with ourselves and whether it’s one of inner conflict or peace.
After my sob session, I was guided to move deeply into my heart, to receive into it all of the blessings and gifts I have been given, and to abide in its light. And I felt lighter. Each of us is born with a power — a light about us, the life force that animates us. That force has natural desires to explore, to play, and to create. And in most of us, our creative expression becomes thwarted by social conditioning. It is repressed and shamed at worse and molded into cookie-cutter shapes on timelines and artificial structures at best. There is a deep-rooted fear of losing love and belonging from others if we express ourselves authentically. So the only hope we have for power in this case is to control others, either by dominance or trying to manipulate people into liking us. And the cycle continues. People who become disconnected by shame from their own light start to seek outside themselves for some sense of control as a substitute for the power to stand in our light and share our gifts. This is where codependency and abusive hierarchical structures continue to cycle.
I notice in my yoga practice that there is often a tendency to be forceful in my movement. I’m learning through my practice to slow down, breathe, surrender, and dance with my own energy, receiving sensation in my body and moving not with strain but with love and connection. It takes courage. It takes vulnerability. But in connecting with your own inner wisdom and light, you will no longer be able to be manipulated by anyone, and you will have nothing to fear. In every step, in every breath, may I walk with love. May my love shine through and be shared with all those with whom I come into contact.
I’m really excited to share with you that I’ll be teaching a class called Shakti Flow: Sound and Movement at Downtown Yoga starting March 19. This will be a class that encourages us to wake up to our creativity and our authentic voice. We will explore movement through yoga as well as using our voices chanting mantra to move energy in our bodies and resonance with our true selves. It is my passion to offer a space where we can connect deeply with the stillness within, as well as to encourage us to be in our power and our truth, and to express ourselves in the way we were always meant to.
May you be blessed.
