I am a fan of technology, seriously. But as someone who remembers rotary dial phones, rapidly changing devices and techniques can be a bit daunting. Just when I had my archaic iPhone 5s figured out, it became the victim of an incident involving wine tasting. It must have been because I didn’t have a MoleBox.
I don’t want to talk about it, but suddenly I was obligated to shop for a new phone. I happened to wander into the Verizon store one day because it wasn’t busy, and somehow I walked out with a new iPhone 7 and a mini iPad that was a great deal because it was being discontinued. It was a weak moment, and I’m ashamed of my impulsiveness, but hey, the phone’s water resistant, and the iPad is perfect for navigation. I know those products were created with me in mind. My spouse, however, doesn’t share my enthusiasm or vision.
I did manage to leave without a new case, the handy car charger, and a tempered glass screen protector. I learned about the glass screen protector a little too late for the last casualty, so I knew I needed to find one pronto. After buying countless screen protectors, chargers, and cases, I have learned to shop around for those items. Useless phone-related paraphernalia are archived in the junk drawer. I’m pretty sure that if a child in a third-world country needs a case for a flip phone, I have one to fit it. Or they can have my iPhone 4. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a teenager alive that would be caught dead with such antiquated technology.
My next move was to begin looking for the items I needed online. I found the perfect wallet case. It even came with a cheap screen protector that I didn’t use and a MoleBox. I still don’t know what a MoleBox is. It doesn’t look like a mole or a box. When I Google “MoleBox,” the official site takes me to the perfect hookup, which can create a new set of problems and potential pain. I know better than to go there. I’m too old. I wouldn’t know what to do with the perfect hookup if I found it.
So I will continue to do what I do best and Google it. Then I will call my son who will tell me to Google it. At least I didn’t have to call tech support to find out how to work my rotary phone or even the newer push button model. Post-it Notes were pretty straight forward and afforded me the opportunity to actually leave my desk and talk directly to my co-workers. I rarely use snail mail anymore, but on the plus side, it’s difficult to send the wrong message to the wrong person. You really have to make an effort to screw up. I’ve done it, but it wasn’t easy. Conversely, modern auto-correct affords us all the opportunity to say what you didn’t mean and never live it down. Your hapless errors will be captured in cyberspace for eternity.
Siri hates me and can’t understand a word I say. The female version is a cocky bitch, so I changed it to the male, Australian version. It’s not much better, but at least I have managed to find a mate that listens to me and does my bidding. So now I am drunk with power. Armed with my MacBook, iPhone 7, and iPads, I can change the world, or at least my world. But first, I have to find out how by Googling it. Maturity has some advantages. I have windows that actually open, and I can count back change if the computer system goes down. Just saying.