Tiny Living in a Giant World: Intentional rebirth

February 10 marks a very significant day in my life. On this date a woman was born. Not just any woman, the woman. The woman that set the standard by which all other women would be compared. The Woman who set the bar high in demonstration of what selfless, unconditional love looks like and how it feels to experience it. The Woman, eloquent in word but spoke about love with greater conviction through action than sermon. The Woman that understood and believed in people before they did, demonstrating it with unwavering confidence, support, encouragement, and action to a point that you too believed. The Woman who understood friendship and the importance of being one first. The Woman who gave far more than she received or would ever consider asking in return. 

The Woman that made every child of hers certain they were the chosen one and favored above the others. The Woman that laid her burdens quietly aside in order to have room to help carry those of others and lighten their load. The Woman others found strength in often not knowing of what she was enduring. The Woman others found inspiration in when they witnessed how she handled the struggles and difficulties once they did know. The Woman that housed a soul from conception to birth. The Woman that continued nurturing that soul for years to come. The Woman unwavering in loving that soul through trials, tribulations, defeats, victories, celebrations, and successes equally. The Woman that shaped my heart, both literally and figuratively. The Woman that provided the foundation, a safe haven to experiment, and instilled belief that I would not fail–yet, comfort knowing I could count on her if I should. The Woman that gave me life. The Woman that showed me how to love. The Woman that shaped my being and who I am. The Woman that continues to impact my daily life beyond mere mortality. The Woman I am eternally grateful and forever blessed to call Mom.

For over four decades, my biggest fan and cheerleader stood in my corner and encouraged me through every round of every bout. Mom cheered me when I got the knockout and encouraged me when I got knocked-out. She did this while fighting significant medical illness of her own for twenty of those years. I often joke, but it is only humorous because of its truth, that a medical student would be able to receive their license to practice medicine simply by studying her medical case. When you spend half of your life (the half where you actually appreciate who your parent is) watching medical wins that shouldn’t have been, it is easy to start believing everything is going to be okay. I knew there would be a time in which my fan club president wouldn’t be there, though I didn’t really believe it, nor could I fully imagine it.All of those years, celebrating February 10 ended five days before Christmas 2010. The cold, dark storm that has come with precision and certainty each winter since, have been the type that tests every bit of resolve I have had to fight the frigid numbness that can be cause for clouding the mind to just lay down and give up. The last five winters have each felt like record storms. Each year, knowing it is coming but still forgetting how harsh it will be. Yet, each also making me stronger by surviving. Helping me stockpile and prepare during the harvest months for the coming storm. This last winter, it came, again–with certainty and predictability. The jingle of the bells reminded me that I wouldn’t be dashing through the snow with my boys to grandmother’s house. The silver of the bells had tarnished and only served as a stark reminder of what once was.

This year, the winter storm made a fatal error in its ability to settle in and make me hunker in just to survive. There were days of sunshine. Oh, the storm was there. It was cold and dark; but, there were days of sunshine. Enough to thaw things out enough to keep the deep frigid freeze from hardening. Enough warmth to know there would be another day of sunshine coming. Enough to offer just enough hope to allow for something BIG.

The seed of hope is too powerful for any season. Once it sprouts, if nourished properly, cannot be denied regardless of the weather. It allows for crazy ideas to be tried. On February 9, 2015, a ray of sun shined just bright enough for me to notice the seed of hope. Enough to decide I could plant it and grow something different. I decided that I would no longer dread the 10th day of February. I decided I would celebrate this date. I would honor the 40+ years of the blessing I received from the date. I would cheer the date and look forward to the date forevermore with gratefulness and excitement of its coming. I decided I would start living fully in the present. Not knowing what else to title my determined seed, I called it a rebirth. I posted of its coming the day before to tell the universe of my zeal. I knew it was going to take a level of energy from me to make it happen and felt putting it out there for others to see would help keep my focus where it needed to be. I went to bed happy and genuinely looking forward to February 10 again.

Meteorologists have a strange job, in my opinion. They only have to be right enough of the time to keep their job. Just because they forecast it, doesn’t make it so. Even though I went to bed with determination and excitement for the great weather predicted, a storm snuck in. I slept in nearly 45 minutes. This is not the way in which to focus on something of significance. Trying to catch up, I woke my son up (who would have happily slept another 45 minutes–and fought me to try to do so), having a schedule I needed to keep, set the situation for a major failure and a continued despising of this date that had been haunting my very well being. But, something happened.

In between a few scolding curse words towards the day, myself, and even my son; I recalled what I had done the night before and how I had felt about my decision. My posting it may have been for the universe to see; but, it was also for me to feel. It was enough to give me the moment of time to pause and breathe it in. The air smelled of hope. The seed had already sprouted and I was responsible for nurturing it.

My attitude changed. I saw this as a test to see how badly I really wanted this. Was I simply a philosophizer that spouted off some bullshit of no value; or, would I indeed let the storm be damned and hold no power over me? The choice was mine. I damned the storm! What had appeared to be a huge storm settling in turned out to be just a momentary cloud cover that the jet stream pushed out quickly. With my attitude change, my approach was improved. My son suddenly became more coherent as he woke up and got ready for school. We didn’t get him there for first period; but, we got him there and we parted happy and knowing we loved each other. I slowed down and quit forcing the day. I let it happen. I did the necessary things on my schedule while recognizing the importance of letting things happen the way they needed to.The winds of change were blowing and I had set sail. My determination on setting my intentions for a “rebirth” had opened up the universe to start releasing what has been waiting in storage all along. It took some effort and energy on my part to get it moving; but, once I did, there was almost no stopping it. Kinetic energy was in force and the movement was doing work of its own.

As I remained open and allowed the flow to take place, I acted on what pulled me. I bought Mom her favorite flowers, daffodils. Then, something came up as I felt a friend in need. I gave the flowers to the friend as I know my Mom would have done. I returned to the store and picked up some more daffodils, grabbed a sandwich and a coke, then went and had lunch with Mom. We visited. I did all the talking. I snuggled right up to her and could feel the radiating warmth from the stone that had absorbed the sunlight shining down upon us. Sitting there, enjoying the date, I spoke out loud of my appreciation and gratitude. I shared my determination to start living again, fully and in the moment. I let her know I was going to be celebrating her life and my rebirth each year going forward. I sang Happy Birthday–to both of us!

As we parted company and I went on living in the moment, celebrating the day, it was nothing short of spectacular. From the moment of decision to continue through the day with my intentions to the moment I went to bed, it was filled with experiences that came from no preconceived notion. Things happened that day which are proving to be life-changing. I cannot explain why they came to me and/or where from, I just know I am open to and embracing the entire notion of this rebirth. Perhaps, they were there all along and I simply was not able to see them. Being open to the opportunities as they presented themselves suddenly appeared as noticeable as a flashing neon sign.

Call it what you will, I call my experience a rebirth. It is born with intent. I am realizing how much impact earnest intent truly has. It doesn’t mean everything is controllable or specifically played out how I imagine. Rather, it just puts me on the right course to give my life meaning and purpose. It allows me to see the bigger purpose. It provides peace, hope, and happiness. Nearly two months have passed since the celebration. Something miraculous has changed. Everything has a new light to it. A curiosity and excitement for experiencing life has been reborn with magnitude. I’m not trying to imply everything is completely perfect. There are still challenges. I’m still struggling in some areas of importance; but, my God, I love my life. I seriously LOVE my life and am happy for the experiences I have had, am having, and will have. The trials teach me much, offer opportunity for growth, and make me happy. The fun, enjoyment, good times, make me happy. I AM HAPPY! 

George Scott is a man of many talents and careers. Currently he is an aspiring artist in the art of communication, building community, and connecting. Although he has formal educational training, he prefers to learn his life lessons from the school of hard knocks. He is currently working on a third bachelors degree in rebuilding, rejuvenating and inspiring others. George can be found as the man on the street happily making new friends and sharing his wealth with the world. If you would like to contact him email[email protected]