CARTOON: “Pitching To Millennials”

At a forum hosted by Chris Matthews on MSNBC Wednesday night, Gary Johnson got a “gotcha” question and he got got. How bad is it to be outsmarted by Chris Matthews?

Johnson, who previously impersonated a deer in headlights when asked about Aleppo, was asked to name a current foreign leader he admires. He couldn’t name one. Not because he doesn’t admire one but because he can’t name any foreign leaders. He said he liked the guy who used to run Mexico but couldn’t name him. His running mate William Weld threw him a lifeline and said Angela Merkel.

Hillary Clinton is struggling with the youth vote. Millennials overwhelmingly wanted Bernie Sanders, and now many of them are throwing in with Gary Johnson. They may be feeling the Johnson right now, but if Trump wins they’re not going to like where they’re feeling it.

The Libertarian platform has zero interest in civil rights. No plan regarding government regulations of large, unsustainable financial institutions that have nearly destroyed the economy. Anything on global warming or climate change? Nope. Libertarians are OK with abortion, but their ideology dictates that employers should be able to control whether or not their employees’ insurance polices cover contraceptive healthcare. Johnson believes in gay rights but doesn’t think the government should protect victims of wrongful employment termination.

Libertarians are in favor of small government. They think it’s OK if you smoke weed, pay for sex, get married, or how you control your own body and that the federal government should stay out of it. But they’re just fine if the state government tells you to put out the blunt, who you can’t marry, or if you can dangle your goodies for cash. That’s their vision of states’ rights. So if a state wants to discriminate, they’re fine with it as long as it’s not the federal government.

In 2010, when Arizona passed a law authorizing the discrimination of brown people, Johnson argued that the federal government should stay out of it. Racism and xenophobia isn’t good on a federal level, but as a state issue it rocks, according to the Libertarians.

Johnson also wants to abolish income and corporate taxes. He’s against gun regulations. He opposes unions. He believes Medicare and Medicaid funds should be distributed to states as block grants. He wants to privatize social security. He also wants to abolish the department of education. He’d name more if he knew what they were.

Before Millennials were “feeling the Johnson” they were “feeling the Bern.” Gary Johnson is not continuing the Bern.

Bernie Sanders attracted youth voters who support civil rights and believe in Black Lives Matter. His supporters are pro choice. They want the government to fight climate change. They want to regulate Wall Street. Bernie was a big proponent of raising the minimum wage, as is Hillary, which most millennials also strongly support. Johnson wants to eliminate the minimum wage. Most of all, the young want free college. Gary Johnson doesn’t even have a tuition plan, which kinda makes sense when you ask him a question.

Johnson doesn’t really know much. He doesn’t have any interest in foreign policy. He doesn’t know where Aleppo is, what it is, or what it’s about. He can’t name a foreign leader, but he knows the guy he used to be able to name doesn’t run Mexico anymore. Maybe it’s Santa Anna. His latest gaffe won’t make much of a difference to his supporters as they haven’t looked into his positions yet. At least Trump supporters are aware their candidate is a racist. Most Gary Johnson supporters couldn’t pick him out of a bong party.

Bernie and Gary both believe weed should be legal. But outside of that, what exactly do all those millennials believe in if they’re going from Sanders to Johnson? For months they amassed in huge rallies to support Sanders and their issues, and now they’re telling us they don’t have principles. Were they were faking it?

I understand the outsider thing. I understand not being crazy about either major party or Hillary Clinton. But you dislike Clinton so much, despite her supporting most of your issues, that you’ll give us an oligarchy under a President Trump? The man who wants to be America’s Saddam Hussein? With all due respect, you are all idiots.

Gary Johnson is basically a Tea Party guy with a full set of teeth and without the racism but who will turn a blind eye to it and who supports weed. I’d also make a pitch here to Jill Stein’s supporters, but they’re probably not on the internet since they believe Wi-Fi causes brain damage.

So how does Clinton get the youth vote back? How does she make them like her? Does she have to play Pokemon Go? Get a selfie stick and start posting to Intagram? Start playing EDM at her rallies (Look it up. I had to)? Get one of those god-awful chest tattoos girls think are attractive? Pierce a nipple (you’re welcome)? Nope. She should propose making weed legal.

claytoonz.com/2016/09/29/pitching-to-millennials

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