Moms are irreplaceable and leave lasting memories
I generally write about public land, water, and tax issues, but I’m taking a different approach this time. Just can’t help myself. Some things just have higher priority.
My mom died June 28. Although she was 93 years old, it was still a tough blow to all who loved her and one with which I still struggle and will for a long time, I’m sure. She gave me life and stood by me throughout my life, even during some very challenging times. Dads are important, too, but there is a special bond with one’s mom. Particularly for women, that bond is tight. Being the same sex, we have a special understanding but can also have special challenges.
Mom — Audrey Lermusiaux Talkington Halama Lietzow — was a very interesting woman, interesting enough to have a story written recently about her early years growing up in Corrales, New Mexico, a small rural community just outside Albuquerque. As that article clearly details, Mom grew up in very humble circumstances — humble financially, but otherwise rich. Unfortunately, Mom did not get to read the final story, which came out just before her death. Nice, though, to have her memory documented so well!
The funny thing is that Mom had already documented her own life, writing two volumes that present in great detail information about her early years, her marriages, working, raising us kids, politics, military, and of course religion. Not only that but she was also a great writer of letters, and I have a binder full of her letters, which I can savor. I feel so blessed to have those and not just texts on a phone or emails. They’re so personal. My daughter shared one of Mom’s letters to her during her memorial service; it was like having Mom there talking to us.
She was a spunky, smart, gregarious, hardworking, wine-loving, food-loving, tenacious woman who loved her family with great passion and held her friends in high regard. She was always one for having a kind word for others but was always willing to stand up and speak up for what she believed. She was strong in her political beliefs — a lifelong Republican — and her religious beliefs.
Mom did not finish high school due to her marriage at 17 to an Army pilot who was killed in World War II, leaving her with a young son and not a lot of education on which to rely. But as noted, she was smart and hardworking and was able to secure work to help support her and her son. It wasn’t long, though, before she was noticed by my dad and remarried. I guess I didn’t mention that among her other qualities, mom was a beauty. So dad snatched her up, and before long, I was in the picture, then my younger brother, and finally my sister. During the time Mom and Dad were together, they were both very involved in local politics with Dad serving as a city commissioner and Mom active in many local organizations.
The marriage lasted until I was in high school but ended in divorce shortly before I graduated. That threw me into a tailspin, emotionally, which did not bode well for my college grades for a couple of years, not to mention the fact that it was the ‘60s.
Several years after that, Mom remarried my stepdad, and that was the final love relationship in her life, at least that I know of. She had male admirers and friends, but nothing materialized, and her name was getting too long with all the marriages, anyway. It was with my stepdad that Mom really found her comfort zone. Her passionate love interest was my dad, but there was always a tension in that relationship. Even before her third marriage, she had returned to get her high school GED, but then she was convinced by my stepdad to go back to college to get a degree. Not only did she get her bachelor’s degree but also a master’s degree in special education and taught until she retired, including as head of the special education department at one school. When he died in 1991, Mom was on her own but had been set up to earn a good living. Actually, she had been on her own for the 10 years prior to that due to his illness, but after his death, she was really on her own. When I say “on her own,” that doesn’t mean that family in Albuquerque didn’t provide great support to Mom, including working on her campaign when she ran against a longtime state senator and fellow Republican whom she considered an ass. Like I said, she was spunky!
While growing up, I was always so proud of my mom. She was beautiful, classy, always dressed to the hilt (it was the ‘50s, after all!), and smart as a whip, and she wouldn’t take much sass from us kids but had a wonderful sense of humor, too. I have fond memories and some not-so-fond memories of time with Mom growing up. As noted in her memoirs, I was termed “head strong,” and our views on life did not always agree. But in spite of that, we had lots of great times and some odd ones. She had a great fear of thunderstorms, and Albuquerque, where we lived, gets plenty of those. When there was a storm, we kids were not allowed to go outside, run water, or use anything electrical — all things that people are now advised to avoid, so Mom has been vindicated. Because there was really not much left to do, we would all sit on the floor in the hallway with Mom to support her. It’s strange the things that come back from childhood at times of loss as being particularly memorable.
Mom was always one for standing up for those who needed her. During her years teaching, she took students under her wing who were particularly needy and provided them with the support they needed emotionally and financially, if necessary. She was a staunch Republican who did not believe that the state should enable individuals but that she as a caring person would do her part.
Recently, I watched an old movie titled “I Remember Mama” starring Irene Dunne and Barbara Belle Geddes, who you may remember from the “Dallas” series in the ‘70s and ‘80s. Geddes was an aspiring young writer with a strong, loving mother — Dunne — who watched her brood carefully while letting them test their wings, stepping in when necessary but not in an overbearing manner. That was my mom. She let us make our mistakes — I personally made many — but she was there for us when neededs Reliable, that’s what my mom was.
When I was working on a high school science project, I remember her driving me all over to get materials including necessary chemicals for my hydroponic project, which ultimately got me to the state science fair. She taught me that moms should be there for their kids but not make excuses for them or be “helicopter” parents as we often see today. Being overbearing was not her way.
Her support did not mean that I was spoiled. Certainly not. I received my share of “correction” from both parents. Unlike many kids today, I do not remember being asked what I wanted for dinner. My mother cooked, and we ate. I didn’t always like it, but more often than not, I did. In fact, when I raised my daughter, I used the same method, although perhaps with more flexibility than Mom exercised.
So I guess the point of all this is that Mom left me with what I consider some valuable lessons. Don’t cater to your kids but be there when they really need you. Parents do their kids no favor by hovering over them. Be involved in your community, but don’t let that involvement interfere with being a good, “present” parent or spouse. Mom would never have allowed a smartphone to take priority over family relationships, attention, and communication. As a woman, care about how you look and how you present yourself, but you don’t need to spend an inordinate amount of time or money on it. Mom admitted that she was vain even in her 90s and tried to look her best for special occasions, which she always did! She set a great example.
At the end of Mom’s life she was very perplexed by the world around her. Things changed so much during her 93 years that she felt very troubled and even fearful about where the world was headed. I am sad to have lost her even at 93, but perhaps with all the world’s challenges facing us, it’s better for her at this point. I certainly hope she’s in a much better place. Love you, Mom!
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