More Spy Balloons Than A Chuck E. Cheese Birthday Party
– By Ed Kociela –
With so many balloons floating overhead, the United States is starting to look like a Chuck E. Cheese ceiling after a kid’s birthday party with about as much effect.
Following the pattern of the overhead flights, it is no mystery what they were tracking. The balloons were simply surveying the Montana landscape for changes in where and how the United States nuclear arsenal of missile silos are holding up, then tracking south over Missouri to keep tabs on the B-2 bomber base. Neither area is particularly well-hidden at this point, so it is not like any great secrets would unfold, and this balloon business? How much more low-tech could the Chinese spyware get? The balloons were not armed and dangerous but apparently had some recording and transmitting gear aboard to report to the home office on what they saw.
In fact, it could be argued that the flyby was meant as more of a nuisance or a diversion as to what China was really trying to ferret out, which is probably why the U.S. military was so low-key in its pursuit.
Like any other self-respecting nation, you can bet that China has enough spy satellites in orbit to do just fine, thank you very much, in this intelligence game. The West, you see, does not have a lock on all things espionage. And I would imagine, if they wanted to get their hands on some super-secret stash, all they would have to do is hire a couple of teams of scumbag breaking and entry artists to sneak into the Trump, Biden, and Pence residences for the paperwork.
And although the business of Spy vs. Spy, as the iconic Mad magazine used to call it, has always been much less glamorous than dapper Englishmen in tuxedoes gathering information between hands of baccarat and bedding big-bosomed beauties, there are still a lot of boots on the ground and ears listening in to gather our deepest, darkest secrets ranging from KFC’s 11 secret herbs and spices to what really makes the stealth bomber so damned stealthy.
The spy machinery is probably so well-oiled that the listening post in Beijing knows what color pajamas President Biden slept in last night and how many eggs he had for breakfast this morning.
To be fair, the United States and Great Britain have also been dumping new money into the updated exploration and use of balloons to do surveillance work. It seems very odd that in such a high-tech world that the most advanced nations would use the most low-tech equipment to gather information. Then again, this is nothing new, at least for the United States, which has used surveillance balloons since the Civil War to spy on the enemy. It is just that we are in such a sophisticated age of drones and satellites and other technology that we don’t think of something as unspectacular or pedestrian as lofting a balloon into the air to gather information on our foes. It does not fit our current mindset or level of technological advancement. It’s sort of like starting a fire with the sun’s rays as they taught us in Scouting instead of using a flint. It’s like driving a Volkswagen when you’ve got a Ferrari parked in the garage. It’s like starting Zach Wilson at quarterback and sitting Patrick Mahomes on the bench. It’s like listening to Nickelback instead of The Beatles.
In the real world, these balloons have popped the fragile relationship between the United States and China. It is recoverable, of course. Most things are. It was just a gentle nudge to remind us that they are there, there are huge ideological differences, and that there is a certain enmity that separates us.
The overflights have prompted a new wave of suspicion that has earmarked the relationship and has given reason to further wedge the two nations to the point that U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken canceled a planned trip to Beijing, the first in a number of years. Usually, the diplomatic dance is caged in quaint language that can often be difficult to parse. But flat-out canceling a visit is fairly plain animal talk that somebody is ticked to the max, a fairy accurate description of where the United States sits at the moment.
Is it as big of a deal as the news channels are making it?
No. This is fairly commonplace between the United States and China.
Is it as big of a deal as the diplomats are making it?
Not really. I would be utterly shocked if China actually picked up any new information from the overflights. It is, however, an opportunity to flex some muscle on both sides without drawing fresh blood.
Is it an example of China’s desire to not cozy up to the United States and remain the perpetual thorn in its side?
Absolutely.
But, instead of saber rattling it served instead as a rather unfriendly reminder that we won’t be invited to Sunday dinner.
What illustrates the fact even better is that just before these balloons started appearing over North America, China was found to be gathering information regarding pollution by shooting a green laser beam from an environmental measurement satellite over Mauna Kea, Hawaii so there is definitely technology far more advanced than a hot air balloon at its disposal. It takes a fairly sophisticated piece of gear to figure out what is in the atmosphere by simply aiming a laser beam from space to suss it all out.
There was concern about how long the U.S. military allowed the balloons to drift before taking them out. I think the whole purpose of that was to allow the Chinese to see just how elaborate our nuclear silo structure is and what it could risk by putting the wrong nose out of joint and making it rain hellfire from the sky.
So in effect, it was more of a nuisance flyby than anything, just a reminder that China is still lurking out there.
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