southern Utah Archives - Page 737 of 737 - The Independent

The weight-loss consultant

Stephen Philip Druce - June 5, 2014

The weight-loss consultant By Stephen Philip Druce "Hello, is this the weight loss consultant? It's Mr. Roberts here." "Hello Mr. Roberts. Yes, I'm the consultant. How can...

Going to McDonald’s

Stephen Philip Druce - May 31, 2014

Going to McDonald’s By Stephen Philip Druce The giant yellow “M” sign at McDonald's has drawn me in. I'm willing to disregard the prevailing rumor that the...

An ice cream van of dictators

Stephen Philip Druce - May 30, 2014

An ice cream van of dictators By Stephen Philip Druce I was ordering an ice cream from an ice cream van. "A butterscotch ice cream, please." "Sorry, I've...

A kissagram caper

Stephen Philip Druce - May 23, 2014

A kissagram caper By Stephen Philip Druce A kissagram lady died inside a giant birthday cake she was expected to leap out of at a party...

Campulating

Stephen Philip Druce - May 17, 2014

Campulating By Stephen Philip Druce Realizing I'd run out of condoms, my girlfriend suggested I use our camping tent for protection instead. "Campulate with me" she said....

Passing with flying colors

Stephen Philip Druce - April 27, 2014

Passing with flying colors By Stephen Philip Druce In response to one's application to NASA for the coveted role of astronaut, one is duly required to...

Men are often asked, “Why don't you want to have a baby?” Is the task of having to push a screaming baby from out of the anus really that big a deal?

Why not have a baby?

Stephen Philip Druce - April 24, 2014

Why not have a baby? By Stephen Philip Druce Men who don't want children are incessantly bombarded with the question, “Why don't you want to have...

Beware the butthole robber — the new criminal on the block. Citizens of London are being robbed in the street and assaulted by attackers using their assholes as weapons. The asshole robbers are applying this method of attack as a strategy to mitigate their violations in a hypothetical court case.

Heed the butthole robber

Stephen Philip Druce - April 18, 2014

Heed the butthole robber Stephen Philip Druce Beware the butthole robber — the new criminal on the block. Citizens of London are being robbed in the...

There are too many sex change operations performed on fairground rides...

Stephen Philip Druce - April 9, 2014

There are too many sex change operations performed on fairground rides for my liking By Stephen Philip Druce Ever had the misfortune to witness a surgeon...

Sunday Editions-The Independent | News Events Culture

The Independent - January 1, 1970

SUNDAY EDITION: Northern Corridor battle, Eric Dodge discusses depression, Exploring So. Utah: Lava Tubes Also, Campfire concert in the Canyon with 'Beans & Wheels', Aaron...

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Tag: southern Utah