Telling family stories at Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a traditional time for extended families to get together. It’s also an ideal time for young people to hear stories about family history, adventures, and even misadventures.
New research shows that children growing up who know stories about their parents and grandparents have higher self-esteem, fewer behavioral problems, and better quality relationships with their parents.
Almost everyone reading this column is a parent, grandparent, uncle, or aunt of younger family members. Whether preparing dinner, sitting around the table, or recovering from the excess afterwards, Thanksgiving is a natural time to share family stories.
As usual, younger children will seem not to be paying attention, and teenagers may roll their eyes and groan. But as is often the case, they’re absorbing a lot more than parents assume.
A study authored by Dr. Natalie Merrill found that more than 90 percent of teenagers and young adults can retell family stories when asked, even if they seemed uninterested when they heard them. Further, they valued the stories for their lessons and insights.
Dr. Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor at Emory University, says the best family stories are funny or entertaining and often convey life lessons: “They have a very important function in teaching children, ‘I belong here. I’m part of these stories.’ They provide not just a script for life, but a set of values and guideposts.”
Fivush and fellow researcher Dr. Marshall Duke asked children 20 questions including the following:
—Do you know where your parents and grandparents grew up and how they met?
—Do you know the source of your name?
—Who in the family do you look like or act like?
—What do you know about your family’s national background?
—Where did your parents and grandparents go to school?
—What jobs did your parents and grandparents have when they were young?
The researchers found that the more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem, and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.
While many of us communicate with family members using social media, face-to-face storytelling makes a more lasting impression. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and a chance to ask questions fill in what might otherwise be missing in a story.
If you could leave your children or grandchildren only one or two stories, which would they be? Chances are good that they’ll remember them.
Have you done something that is memorable or that was adventurous? Were there difficult times that you faced and that shaped you as an adult? Describing your feelings at the time — fear, distress, anger or sadness — and how you coped with them can help children face their own challenges.
There may be no better time than Thanksgiving to share stories that you’d like younger members of your family to know. Tell a mix of stories including humorous ones and ones where you learned an important life lesson.
So enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday and try not to roll your eyes when Uncle Fred repeats a story you’ve heard all too often!
The viewpoints expressed above are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of The Independent.
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