This isn't just a midterm election. It's midterm intervention. So rab random strangers and shake them until they start spitting blood about voting.
This isn’t just a midterm election. It’s midterm intervention. So grab random strangers and shake them until they start spitting blood about voting.

The midterm intervention

It’s such a hoary old chestnut, the phrase should be roasting on an open fire right about now: “This will be the most important election of our lifetime.” We hear it every even-numbered November from every politician in every competitive race. But this time, they may be right. This isn’t just a midterm election. It’s midterm intervention.

If indicators hold true and the midterm elections are fair, Democrats should retake the House. The Senate is bit of a stretch, although marginally attainable. Victory in either chamber would allow opposition committee chairs to initiate investigations and rein in our current president’s more extreme impulses. Tamp down the chaos to a dull roar. Then again, if the election isn’t fair, many applications on the Canadian immigration website, currently bookmarked on computers, will be filled out.

The first Tuesday of this November is a straight-up referendum on the current occupant of the Oval Office. Black and white masquerades as blue and red. And both angry hues are doing whatever they can to get out the vote by energizing the base in their own inimitable ways. Democrats are accusing Republicans of deliberately ignoring the intricacies of the health care debate while Republicans charge that Democratic mobs want to punch pregnant women in the belly.

The only thing everyone agrees on is that the midterms can change everything and we need to focus on Nov. 6. Eat and breathe and live and die for Nov. 6. Hope and pray and steal and cheat for Nov. 6. This isn’t brain surgery. It’s much more important than that.

So go out and vote for the person most like you. Vote for the person most unlike you. Vote for the person most unlike him. Vote for the candidate with the biggest plans. Vote for the candidate who couldn’t organize a take-out order from Sonic. Vote for the candidate you dislike the least. Don’t think of it as the lesser of two evils, but the greater of two lessers.

Just get out and vote. Vote like you’ve never voted before. Vote like it’s going out of style. Vote as if the lives of your children are at stake. Because they are. Vote like they’re going to take it away from you. Because they want to. Vote as if the whole world were watching. Because it is.

Don’t just talk about voting. Read about voting. Write about voting. Shout and flail your arms about voting. Encourage other people to read and write and shout and flail their arms about voting. Grab random strangers on the street by their lapels and shake them until they start spitting blood about voting.

Pay no attention to the billionaire PACs or the hacking Russians or our own Justice Department or the National Enquirer’s Pecker. We have to show up in such numbers that anyone even thinking of tampering with the election will be intimidated like a poodle in a rhinoceros paddock.

Democracy is a participatory sport, people. It’s not meant to be viewed from the bleachers. We have to exercise our electoral muscle before it atrophies. Use it or lose it. Get pumped up. If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch, and we do plenty of that, don’t we? Vote early. Vote often. Adopt a dead voter. Where? In Chicago. Vote hard.

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Will Durst
As the sacred cows set themselves up for slaughter each night at six, America cries out for a man with the aim, strength and style to swat the partisan political piñatas upside their heads. Will Durst is that man. Sweeping both sides of the aisle with a quiver full of barbs sharpened by a keen wit and dipped into the same ink as the day's headlines, Durst transcends political ties, performing at events featuring Vice President Al Gore and former President George H.W. Bush, also speaking at the Governors Conference and the Mayors Convention cementing his claim as the nation's ultimate equal opportunity offender. Outraged and outrageous, Durst may mock and scoff and taunt, but he does it with taste. A Midwestern baby boomer with a media-induced identity crisis, Durst has been called "a modern day Will Rogers" by The L.A. Times while the S. F. Chronicle hails him as "heir apparent to Mort Sahl and Dick Gregory." The Chicago Tribune argues he's a "hysterical hybrid of Hunter Thompson and Charles Osgood," although The Washington Post portrays him as "the dark Prince of doubt." All agree Durst is America's premier political comic. As American as a bottomless cup of coffee, this former Milwaukeean is cherished by critics and audiences alike for the common sense he brings to his surgical skewering of the hype and hypocrisies engulfing us on a daily basis. Busier than a blind squirrel neck deep in an almond sorting warehouse, Durst writes a weekly column, was a contributing editor to both National Lampoon and George magazines and continues to pen frequent contributions to various periodicals such as The New York Times and his hometown San Francisco Chronicle. This five-time Emmy nominee and host/co-producer of the ongoing award winning PBS series "Livelyhood" is also a regular commentator on NPR and CNN, and has appeared on every comedy show featuring a brick wall including Letterman, Comedy Central, HBO and Showtime, receiving 7 consecutive nominations for the American Comedy Awards Stand Up of the Year. Hobbies include the never-ending search for the perfect cheeseburger, while his heroes remain the same from when he was twelve: Thomas Jefferson and Bugs Bunny. Look for Will's new book "The All American Sport of Bipartisan Bashing" at bookstores and Amazon.com. Will Durst's performances and columns are made possible by the First Amendment.

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