Travel Fit and take your duct tape
My last Travel Fit piece described some of the behaviors flight attendants and flight crews despise from passengers. It is difficult to get rid of an obnoxious passenger once airborne. The crew is going to be very hesitant to divert and land the plane and potentially inconvenience hundreds of current and future passengers. It also completely messes with on-time arrivals and the reputation of the airline. It’s best to duct tape unruly passengers in their seat and not allow them any snacks, drinks, or bathroom breaks for the duration of the flight. Duct tape is a great invention and can be used to fix the plane or passengers. Don’t leave home without it.
Some people get amnesia once they reach their destination. Just because you are on a cruise ship or at an exotic destination, you don’t have the right to risk your life or that of others. If you are planning on consuming large amounts of alcohol or anything else that can get you in trouble, it’s best to travel with someone that can remain coherent and keep you out of trouble. This is not always easy. If nudity is involved, make sure that it won’t get you fired, arrested, or a starring role on YouTube. You may never be able to leave your house once you’ve returned.
Here are some other suggestions.
Do not try to climb from one balcony to another on a cruise ship
Seriously, this is just common sense, but I’ve actually witnessed it. It’s amazing that the person was still alive the next morning. I’m sure that she had no recollection of her misdeeds, but at least she had the hangover to remind her. Spiderman/woman is fictional, and most of us can’t spin the necessary web and would look ridiculous in the costume. Not to mention that we might wake up dead.
Do not kill your spouse, partner, family member, etc. on a cruise ship
Divorce is cheaper, trust me. If you kill someone on a cruise ship, where are you going to go? The authorities will find you and you will spend the rest of your life in prison, and it’s no vacation from what I hear. This tip should be a given, but it’s happened, and you can’t make this stuff up.
Do not swim naked in an unauthorized area
There are some pretty funny stories that circulate around air crews about this kind of behavior. While amusing, they usually get said crew member fired at the very least. Also, if you swim naked in the ocean and get attacked by a shark, you could be on the news. It’s probably not how you want to be remembered in any case.
Refrain from running, yelling, or shouting obscenities in the halls of a hotel or cruise ship deck late at night
Not all guests are big on nightlife. I go on cruises or on vacation to relax. Parents go to get away from their kids, and most of us go to get away from the chaos and noise of everyday life. We are tired, old, or just plain cranky. Don’t make us get out the duct tape, which for me is beginning to be a necessary travel item.
Do not leave trash behind or harass the wildlife
This one is the most offensive to me. While I don’t condone killing your spouse, at least you will be punished. Usually those who kill or harass wildlife or leave a trail of trash behind are not held accountable. I keep wishing for instant karma — the lions kills the hunter, or plastic mysteriously wraps around the neck of the person throwing it in the ocean and strangles them instead of the sea turtle. I could go on, but I will spare you the details of my rage and revenge.
You get the idea. It’s prudent to respect our planet and those that share it with us. But until everyone does, you should have a supply of duct tape on hand at all times. Just saying.
