Why Fathers Matter
Most of us have a strong attachment to our mothers. Mothers’ love is a powerful force in our lives especially when the going gets tough. But how about dad?
A large body of research backs up our common sense: fathers matter in the lives of their children. Benefits from relationships with fathers are distinctly different yet complement those derived from relationships to mothers.
Fathers are role models for their children. Boys learn by example what is expected of men, especially in family relationships. Girls likewise learn what to look for in a future husband when their fathers’ role model is a positive one.
Thinking of both boys and girls, a wise man said that the most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. I would add that the most important thing a father can give his children is his time, reading bedtime stories, attending activities and in dozens of other ways.
While I hope to avoid being accused of gender stereotyping, there are plenty of things in the family and around the house that naturally fall to the father. Dad is often the one who fixes a bike, unclogs the sink, cares for the yard, or changes a flat car tire. Involving his children teaches important life skills.
A father contributes a sense of paternal authority and discipline through his involved presence. When we were growing up and we found ourselves in trouble with mom, her classic line comes to mind: “Wait until your father gets home.”
Decades of research by Harvard University’s Eleanor and Sheldon Glueck validates the healthy substance behind mom’s warning. They found that the presence of a father embodies authority conveyed by his daily involvement in family life.
It also turns out that a father’s playful roughhousing is good for kids. To moms, all the noise and pummeling can cause some anxious moments. But lots of research, including “Top Dog” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, suggests that regular roughhousing sessions make for happier, more successful children.
Can mom do most of the things dads do? Sure, and in single-parent-homes, she often does. But borrowing a line from an old song, “it’s nice to have a man around the house.” When dad equitably divides household responsibilities, he demonstrates to mom and to their children how a father cares for his family.
The ideal family consists of a married man and woman who provide a loving home for their children. Nonetheless, there are plenty of wonderful examples of loving homes headed by a single parent, most often the mother. These successful parents deserve our admiration and support.
When parents divorce, their children are best served when mom and dad still can work together. Research shows that single-parent children do better when non-custodial parents remain actively involved with their children.
When fathers abandon, ignore or mistreat their children, the negative consequences for the child often spill over into society at large. Albert Bandura of Stanford University in his seminal book, “Adolescent Aggression,” observed that children suffer when a father’s affection is absent, with boys especially at risk.
As reported on the federal government’s Fatherhood website, statistics reported in a 20-year longitudinal study indicate that boys who grew up without their biological father in the home were three times more likely to commit a crime that led to incarceration than children from intact families.
The report continues, “Children of divorced parents are up to six times more likely to be delinquent than children from intact families, boys raised without their fathers were more than twice as likely to end up in jail as those raised with their fathers, and 70% of incarcerated adults come from single-parent homes.”
Additional research indicates that children from single-parent homes are at increased risk for substance abuse, behavioral problems, and criminal offenses in adolescence compared to their peers raised in two-parent homes. However, data confirm that single-parent children fare better when the nonresident parent maintains an active involvement in their children’s lives.
A hostile father in the home is no better than an absent one. Among juvenile delinquents, boys with hostile fathers commit more crime and use a larger variety of drugs and alcohol than boys with absentee fathers, a new study suggests.
Fathers are expected to provide for their families. Mom often works outside the home as well and the combination provides opportunities for family economic upward mobility.
A study headed by Raj Chetty of Harvard University showed that having two married parents is a major factor in economic mobility. One of the study’s most important findings was that marriage was a far more important factor than race in predicting economic mobility. Race effectively disappears as a factor when results are adjusted for marriage.
Chetty also found that married parents influenced the lives of their children’s friends. Children’s expectations tend to mirror the adults they see around them, even if they live with a single parent.
A lot is riding on dad’s broad shoulders. All of us fall short in one way or another, but it’s never too late to make a difference in a family’s life. Borrowing a phrase from Army recruiting, your wife and your children need you to be all the man you can be.
Dads, Father’s Day is your day. Thanks for all you’ve done and for all you yet will do.
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