The New Year typically brings about hope for the future and a renewed sense of one’s purpose, goals, and determination.
If you are like me it is also a time of reflection, and hopefully, change. The past year has been a tumultuous rollercoaster ride of highs and lows. Amazing and wonderful things have happened, and some really hard and challenging things have happened too. I guess this is probably always the case, and just the nature of life in general, but either these things were bigger this year, or I am just more aware, present, and willing to be an honest observer.
So, here goes–I am just going to spew on paper and hopefully you will relate, be able to take away something that you can apply in your own life, or at the very least–just learn vicariously through my mistakes so you do not have to make them too.
So, what has happened that I need to look at? For starters, being sick. I have been sick more this year than I have ever been in my life, and not like–oh I have a cold sick, like really sick–like went to the emergency room over ten times sick. I have had surgery, and have spent hundreds of hours wallowing in pain, misery, and depression. I have taken more prescription medications than I want to admit. I’ve cried, cursed the universe, missed important events, spent an enormous amount of money, and have literally been falling apart.
I tried conventional medicine; when that wasn’t working, I turned to a holistic approach, changed perspective, habits, routine, and even tried healing myself with food. Each worked for a while, but as soon as I started feeling better, I returned partially or wholly to my old ways and ended up back where I started. I cut certain things out of my life that seemed damaging, but quickly replaced them with other “good” stressors. I just haven’t quite been able to figure out what works for me and my body to be healthy. Being sick has affected all areas of my life, not just my physical well-being, but also emotional, and mental well-being.
What else has happened this year? I am a widow (coming up on five years now). I only add this piece of information, because when I say I am a single parent, what that really means is I am an only parent, which comes with it its own challenges and struggles. Being a single parent of a teenage daughter who is going through the “break-away from mom” period has been very tough for me. Although, it is an amazing experience to watch your child grow up and become independent, as any parent will tell you, this is a bittersweet time.
Living with a teenage daughter can be like harboring an angry escaped convict with severe mood swings and a bad case of ADHD. No one should have to go it alone. My oldest step-daughter was recently diagnosed with ovarian cancer and is receiving chemotherapy treatment while she is also expecting an amazing miracle baby in a few months.
We planned a wedding for another child last summer–which turned out beautifully and was a grand event. The mother of my step-children (whom I am very close to and love very much) went through treatment for breast cancer this year. We’ve been through divorce, hospitalizations, and court trials. I could go on about challenges others in my family and many of my close friends have faced, but the point is that we all have struggles every day for ourselves and the people we love.
Life is a continuous river of changes, ups and downs, and sometimes we are swept up in the fast current and all we can do is hang on, tread water, breathe, and try not to drown. While other times we are meandering slowly through a babbling brook in gorgeous scenery admiring the beauty of it all, and we can relax and enjoy the ride, basking in feelings of contentment, success, or joy. But, the river keeps moving, and so we along with it, must also move.
So, how does all this fit together and relate to living a life with purpose? I think somewhere deep down I was believing if I did everything right, if I had a positive outlook, if I lived purposefully with joy and a focus on love, that I would somehow get to that babbling brook and be able to live out the rest of my days just floating there in the sunshine admiring the gorgeous scenery. This is not the case. This was my disillusion.
What I have discovered is that we don’t ever arrive. There is no stopping point on this journey of life, and no destination when living a life with purpose. Rather, I have come to believe it is a way of life. Living a life with purpose is a way of hanging on through the wild rapids when the water and wind are threatening to take you down forever, and then being able to recognize that calm patch of water just around the bend. It is about being able enjoy those moments when life is going smoothly and not miss them or let the joy and love pass you by.
So, what have I learned from being sick? I’ve learned that sometimes what we think we need isn’t what we need at all. If it doesn’t work–Keep Trying! I have learned that life is an ever-changing, truth seeking, and continuous crazy-river-ride. Sometimes answers will come quickly, sometimes they take more time. I have learned that I can’t control the water or how fast the river runs. I can only control my reaction to it and what boat I decide to ride those rapids in. I’ve learned that even my mistakes and bad choices have or are leading me to something good. I’ve learned that living a life with purpose isn’t a destination, it truly is a journey, one in which your purpose may change many, many times, but that isn’t the point. The point isn’t what your purpose is; the point is that you have one!
This New Years as you make your resolutions, or look back and reflect on the year behind you, I challenge you to look at your disillusions as well. Rather than just set a goal this year; I am going to set intentions–New Year’s Intentions.
According to Webster’s dictionary, an Intention is: A mental state that represents a commitment to carrying out an action or actions in the future. It is not just a goal that I have written on a piece of paper (although I am not saying don’t have goals and write them down because they can be very powerful and life-changing), it is a way of thinking. Having an intention is a mental state you carry with you always and it will shape and guide all the other choices in your life. So make an intention for something you want or need and go for it. Make 2015 your year to take charge of that river, and no matter how rough or glorious the water gets, you can ride it confidently knowing your purpose and intention are taking you right where you need to be.
Heather Hymas has been a teacher in one form or another for the past 14 years. She has taught fourth grade, intermediate school, and college English, both at Dixie State University and Southern Utah University. She currently works as a teacher in a residential treatment center for troubled youth. She has a B.S. in elementary education, a master’s degree in education, and is currently working on her doctorate. She lives in St. George with her teenage daughter.
