Your Weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaThese horoscopes are provided for entertainment purposes only. The authors cannot be held responsible for any decisions or actions based, in whole or in part, on any of the information presented herein. Really, even if you believe in horoscopes (especially if you believe in horoscopes), you shouldn’t listen to anything listed herein … wait, drink water. There, that’s some advice you can heed.

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaThis week is all about simplicity. Divorce time!

 

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaWhen a sentimental Cancer Moon sextiles Mercury, you should totally sextile your roommate who will be gone in a month anyway.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaYou will feel particularly ashamed this week. It’s not astrology, you’re just a bad person.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaYou will send an omniscient koala a check for $10,000 this week. Or else.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaNew love will seem awkward at first this week. But give it some time and trust yourself, and you’ll be glad you finally switched hands.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaYou will try making breakfast naked this week, thinking it will be sexy. However, nothing you do naked could ever be sexy.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaYou’re week will start off on a strange note when a close friend calls for a trip to the emergency room because they got hot bacon grease on their not so private privates.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaThe stars saw what you did last week. They told me to say they’re very ashamed of you.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaTry not to distrust those closest to you this week. I mean that metaphorically of course. The guy breathing down your neck in the elevator is actually stealing your wallet right now.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaThis week is going to be rather uncomfortable. Replacing all of your underwear with edible undies may not have been your brightest move ever.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaA romantic relationship may have been on pause lately. Since you can’t marry a video game character, it’s time to move on. Your princess is in another castle.

 

 

Your weekly Horoscope Trippy KoalaYou may find yourself emotionally paralyzed this week. If you don’t rethink your new “Tequila is food group” idea, you may also find yourself physically paralyzed this week.

 

 

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