Passing with flying colors
By Stephen Philip Druce
In response to one’s application to NASA for the coveted role of astronaut, one is duly required to sit a questionnaire interview that hopes to establish one’s credentials and suitability for a position in the space industry. Do not be intimidated by the interviewer’s questions. I myself sat the exam. It’s harder to flunk a multiplication table mathematics test. To illustrate, below are some sample questions with my answers.
What experience do you have in the aviation industry?
I’ve watched Top Gun.
What impressive feats of physical endurance have you performed?
I once endured the prolonged discomfort of an outgrowing toenail.
How physically fit are you?
Very. I once wallpapered Fat Mavis’s caravan without stopping for a tea break.
What should an astronaut take with him or her on a space mission?
A packed lunch, board games, an alarm clock, and a good map.
What preparations should be made inside the rocket pre-flight?
Make sure the windows are closed, vacuum up, disinfect the toilets, check the central heating works, and make sure the steering wheel turns.
What should astronauts do at the point of lift off?.
They should wave goodbye from out of the rocket window.
What poignant words would you express to the world if you were to ever walk on the moon?
That’s one small step for cheese flan, one giant step for bacon rind.
How do astronauts return back to earth?
They fly back in the same rocket and reverse back into the lift-off area. If the rocket is left facing upwards, it will save time on the next expedition.
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