These horoscopes are provided for entertainment purposes only. The authors cannot be held responsible for any decisions or actions based, in whole or in part, on any of the information presented herein. Really, even if you believe in horoscopes (especially if you believe in horoscopes), you shouldn’t listen to anything listed herein … wait, drink water. There, that’s some advice you can heed.
The Moon/Pluto trine stirs up a lot of emotions, so there is a chance that you’ll fit right in when you decide to go off your meds this week.
This is the time to live in the moment. However, we both know damn well that you will remain crippled by the past and paralyzed by the future.
An angel will visit you with an insane rant about golden tablets or some nonsense. Better keep it to yourself, because they shot the last dude that happened to.
Never be afraid to dream. I mean, unless those raped-by-a-clown nightmares start up again.
You will make new friends at the fair this week when you are mistaken for a llama.
Your attempt to culture your neighbor’s kids this week with a drunken, impromptu reading of Walt Whitman’s “I Sing the Body Electric” will not be appreciated by the police.
This week try to remember that hump day isn’t an excuse to hump everything. Your neighbor’s lawn gnome may never be the same after last week.
Your energies will align this week. Unfortunately they will align with the ground when you throw out your back trying to demonstrate how to do the Macarena.
This will be a frustrating week for you when the voices in your head decide to speak solely in pig Latin. Onsay foay a itchbay!
Try to remember that obstacles are just blessings in disguise. Of course, all of your blessings are also disguised as clowns, so…maybe just stay at home this week.
Prepare for a series of romantic surprises this week. Well, if you consider deep bellowing calls and pungent koala scent romantic, which I do.
You will discover a new talent this week when a coworker challenges you to peel a banana without using your hands. Now you just need a way to market this impressive new skill.
RELATED ARTICLE
Your Weekly Horoscope
Your Weekly Horoscope
Your Weekly Horoscope
