These horoscopes are provided for entertainment purposes only. The authors cannot be held responsible for any decisions or actions based, in whole or in part, on any of the information presented herein. Really, even if you believe in horoscopes (especially if you believe in horoscopes), you shouldn’t listen to anything listed herein … wait, drink water. There, that’s some advice you can heed.
You will show up for the Joy & Eric concert at Vernon Worthen Park this week dressed up as a Chippy, mistakenly thinking it was going to be a Tim and Eric concert. Great job!
A personal revelation will come to you this week illuminating the source of your struggle with self-esteem. It’s simply the fact that you suck so, so bad.
You will greatly embarrass your family this week when you horribly misuse the phrase “in arrears.”
Your betrayal by a loved one this week will confirm that the safest approach to life is to never leave the house — or the tree, in case you happen to live in a tree.
You will learn to truly love yourself this week. Use discretion when truly loving yourself unless you want your family walking in on you in the middle of that.
This week, despite the constant negative press covfefe